Excited & Nervous!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2007
Excited & Nervous!!
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 5:48pm

In the last few days/weeks, D has been making statments about "getting me moved up" to his house!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 11:29pm

Wow! That's pretty awesome! I know what you mean about "moving up"! Big steps there!!

Mr. Pooh said something along those lines when I was telling him about a job offer I received - where the person who interviewed me said "I seemed like a really nice person and she wanted to give me a chance." with a part-time job. (I've been teaching 7 years and am a bit beyond the whole part-time substitute thing.)

I let it pass since it was past his bedtime.

DD17 needs to put on her big girl panties and deal with it. She is a typical self-centered teen and doesn't realize that what her father does is really

summer 2010 sig by Tara

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Fri, 07-17-2009 - 12:44pm

Yea, Kristie, that's great. :)

When you have reached such a serious level, I don't think there is anything wrong with just stating your expectations and needs. Before you move in, just say something like "moving in is a lifetime commitment in my mind, and I just want to make sure you're on the same page." He may want to surprise you with a proposal, but I think it is totally fair for you to just put it out there that your expectations include marriage.

As for living with the girls full time. Remember a few things (and this is advice I have received from other long-term stepparents):

- They are not your kids. You don't have to be a second mom to them. Nor do you have to be their best friend. Find your own relationship that works with them.

- You can give D. and his girls some alone time together, even if you live there full time. Feeling like you give them space with dad will help the girls resent you less.

- DD17. I know she's been a challenge. Remember - she'll graduate soon and will likely be out of the house after that. In the meantime, she's a teenager. Teenagers are crummy to their own parents, not just stepparents. Don't take it personally.

- Leave the parenting to D. If you have an issue with the kids, have a talk with D. and enlist his help. Obviously, it will be your house, too, and they need to respect you and your house rules, but you don't need to be the one deciding the parenting issues.

You will be FINE! :) Any change is scary, but change is what helps us grow. It can be exciting and fun, as well.

We can support each other through this new stepmom role.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Fri, 07-17-2009 - 5:43pm

Thanks so