Feeling strange

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Feeling strange
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 1:24pm
Hey girls-

This past weekend my grandma passed away. We were really close even though we didn't live in the same state anymore. She lived a very long and good life though. Now that I'm back from that I feel very weird about life and my situation...maybe it's jet lag. My grandma was leaving me a large sum of money when she died...I knew this. My dream for a long time is to buy a home or condo and now I can. The thing is, I don't want to buy something in the state I live in...not really anyway (and it's very expensive in LA). I've also been dating my boyfriend a year now and we have never talked about the future together, marriage, where we want to live...anything. I'm feel that I do want to spend my life with him, but I'm scared to bring it up, so my plan was to wait awhile and see if the subject came up. I guess i'm just feeling strange about my job, where I want to live, where my relationship will go (if anywhere, and how long do I wait to find out?). I'm curious what his thoughts are on where he wants to live and marriage and whatnot. I mean if we can buy together we can probably get a pretty great place. If I buy now, or even in the year I don't want to turn around and sell a place if we end up together. Anyway, I'm just feeling confused about life....any thoughts???? :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 1:35pm
My aunt gave me the most valuable piece of advice ever: Don't ever make a career decision based on a man. I know this is not about your career, but it applies to any major decision in life, except marrying-you generally need a man for that!

I say buy your house and enjoy it. Why wait if he has not voiced any future plans? What are you waiting for? If you sell it later, so what? If you stay there, then you will have a house, in YOUR name (keep it that way!) and a little piece of something that is yours no matter what!

There is absolutly no reason to put your future on hold while waiting for a man's future to happen! Go for it, and good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 1:58pm
Great advice.

Please don't put any of your dreams on hold

because a boyfriend hasn't communicated with you.

You don't want to resent him or get upset with

yourself because you aren't living your life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 2:06pm
Well I can't really do anything until my lease is up on my apt (plus I have a roomie and don't want to bail on her). By that time I'm hoping I have some things sorted in my personal life and career and have a better idea of what I want to do. Right now the way it looks in socal is it's better to get a 2 bedroom because i can get a roommate (or in my ideal world by bf will live with me-but only if we will get married) and split the morgage with me. When I did a one bedroom search, NOTHING came up for my price range. When I did a search in Seattle (where I would love to move back to some time) i had a lot more options. Problem is the job situation there is pretty bad, especially in my field. I'm just feeling pretty confused.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 2:50pm
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother! I'm very close to my Grandma, too, so I can imagine the loss you're feeling.

As far as being confused, here's what I have to offer. I don't think it's necessarily uncommon for marriage to not have been brought up yet if you've only been together a year. I also don't see a problem with you asking him what he sees in the future for the two of you.

I wouldn't base your decision to buy a house, however, on someone else. Like another post said, if you're ready, go ahead and buy the house, and no matter what happens with you and your BF, you'll have that. DO NOT buy a home jointly with him unless you are married. You can get burned really bad if you do!

I know you'd eventually like to end up back in Seattle, but you could always purchase in California, stay for a few years and build up some equity, then look into Seattle again if the job market is better?

Just my opinion:)


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 3:54pm
Thanks for all your thoughts, everyone! I went home for lunch and sat outside on my balcony and watched the ocean (sounds kind of new agey, huh? :)) It's really sunny today and I was just soaking up the heat. I guess LA isn't that bad! :) Everything has just happened so fast I guess I need to slow down and just relax and take my time. I'm sure I'll know more about my life by next August (when my lease is up) so in the meantime maybe I should just cruise along and enjoy life, huh?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Wed, 11-19-2003 - 7:22am
So sorry to hear about your grandmother! I know I will be devastated when my I lose my grandmother, and in her shape it might not be too long. I hate even thinking about it. You still have a good bit of time before your lease is up. I would say that by then you will have a clearer head and a better idea of where your relationship with your boyfriend is going. So I wouldn't rush into any kind of decision just yet, I think you have given yourself some pretty good advice, slow down and enjoy yourself! I wish I was there basking in the sun!!! =)