found someone special!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
found someone special!
Thu, 11-13-2003 - 2:03am
My story is somewhat long and complicated. Here goes...I am a 39 year old widow with 2 kids. I was widowed in January. My 41 year old husband died unexpectedly. He had been critically ill for 5 weeks in the ICU unit in December & January and was home and on the road to recovery when he suddenly passed away. As you can imagine it has been a difficult time for me and my girls. I have had a lot of support from family and friends. One friend in particular has been wonderful to me...a male friend of mine. We met at our place of employment 20 years ago. He was my supervisor. We have always gotten along well and enjoy ones company. We drifted apart after I got married 11 years ago and reconnected about 4 years ago after my Mothers death. He started coming over and began to get acquainted with my husband and children. My husband and kids hit it off with him right from the beginning. My husband always told me that this friend was in love with me. He sensed it by his actions, the way he looked at me and spoke of me. After my husbands death he has been very supportive and wonderful to me and my kids. We have begun seeing one another a couple of times a week, we talk everyday on the phone for a couple of hours, and e-mail while he is at work. He comes over or takes me out or he takes me and my kids out. About 4 months he started kissing me goodbye on the mouth. This is something he never did when my husband was alive. I asked if that kiss was meant platonically and he became flustered and said he didn't expect the controversy & said he didn't know. I told him that I questioned it because he never did it when my husband was alive and his respone was I wasn't going to kiss you around your husband. I have developed strong feelings for this man and I care a lot about him, which I have told him. I have asked him if this was turning into something other than friends and he said it wasn't the right time to discuss it. He is very upset than my in-laws don't approve of him being with me so much and often questiins if my kids like him and if my brothers approve of us spending so much time together.I told him if this was only platonic that he needed to stop kissing me goodbye because it is confusing me. He continues to kiss me. Nothing else physical has happened. He is very conservative and has strong feelings on how long someone should wait before becoming involved again after a situation like mine. He tells me he loves me when he kisses me. In fact, the last time he kissed me goodbye, he kissed me much more romantically. No tongue, but a longer lingering kiss and looked into my eyese and said he loved me and then kissed me again. I believe he has feelings for me but is scared or think it is inappropriate to address it this soon. I think he is taking it slow because he wants to find out if my feelings for him are real or whether or not I'm just trying to fill a void in my life. I had feelings for him before I met my husband but my friend was involved in a long term relationship and then he married her and I married my husband. He ended up getting divorced about the time I got married. I almost feel that this is maybe a second chance for us to get together. He has been divorced for 10 years and I find myself single again. I need opinions on whether or not you think he is interested in me romantically or whether he is just being a platonic friend.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Thu, 11-13-2003 - 10:07am
First, I'm very sorry for your loss. It must have been a very difficult time for you and your family.

That being said, I'm thrilled for you that you've had someone around who's been so supportive of you.

It sounds to me like he's romantically interested in you. I can see possible reasons why he may want to take it slow though; like you said, he may feel like it's a bit too soon, or may be concerned about his role in your life (is he just filling a void?).

This could very well be your "second chance" with each other. Why rush it, though? Personally, I would just let things progress at their own pace. Perhaps once you get beyond that "first year", he'll feel more comfortable.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Thu, 11-13-2003 - 10:53am
So sorry to hear about your loss. It is wonderful that you have someone who is so supportive of you and who cares enough about you to not want to rush you into anything. I agree with Jennifer, take your time and enjoy! =)