friends who make snooty comments?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
friends who make snooty comments?
5
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 5:30pm
in my experience, many women seem to fall into the weakness of making snooty comments. somewhat veiled/somewhat indirect criticisms of other women.

how do you avoid it?

i know how to handle it- change the subject is Priority 1.

but - how can i avoid it?

too many of my female friends seem judgmental/critical/negative of others.

i can't dump all my friends. so then, what? advice, please?

 Katrina
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 10:05pm
has anyone found that 'doing' something when you're together keeps the feeling light when you're with your friends. like it's best when we're out in yoga - rather than on the phone, etc.?

the only time i find criticizing others is predominant is when a friend has time on her hands to stew... so friends at work or emailing from work-- that's when it's a problem.

for the friends i can't see as often as i'd like- i'm going to just change the subject if they are being snide about other girls.
 Katrina
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 1:18pm
I just say "Oh wow. What do you say about ME when I'm not around?" That can bring it to their attention pretty quickly; I think that sometimes we all do this without realizing it, but if it's constant, maybe they will realize that after you say it a few times. It has worked for me!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 2:55pm
That's a great thing to say to keep it positive.

Thanks!

I have noticed that it's just human nature for people to assess people.

It's a fine line b/n being a bonding moment when you feel supported that another person's shares your insights --- versus-- it's just kind of mean.

It's a hard line to keep in good balance w/ my friends-- some of them just seem critical of others too much.

A little too snooty! Maybe that's why I also like the ivillage community- it's a different vibe on ivillage- there isn't really any of that!

Thanks! Kat

 Katrina
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Sun, 02-22-2004 - 12:20pm
I am not new to the site but was just reading some of the messages and came across yours. Hun my best answer to give you is.....Why are you still friends with these women? If that was me, i wouldnt even be friends with these types of women. My best advice to you is leave them alone and find some better friends. Have you heard of misery loves company? I know these are your friends, but you have to wonder sometimes, what are they saying when you are not around. I hope you are not naive to think that they arent talking bout you when you are not around. Just keep in mind that negativity breeds negativitly. I feel you need more positive influences in your life and someone who is not so judgemental. Thats just my opinion. If I were in your shoes i wouldnt have friends like that. I stay away from women that likes to gossip and put down other women cus women who do this are miserable and have no life of their own so by putting others down makes them feel better bout themselves. so keep that in mind ok. Hope it works out

Michelle


Edited 2/22/2004 12:29:43 PM ET by bluesaffire01

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 9:42am
Wow!

We seem to all be having some sort of friendship crisis lately. I say bring it to their attention and back away. Eventually they will come around and realize that they are being catty. I have so many issues w/ one particular "friend" that it just boggles my mind to the point of exhaustion. I collect friends like rare treasures and I put them on their own individual pedestals and say "look at my beautiful friends, they are so rare and different in their own special ways". Those are the friends you keep forever because those are the friends who love you for praising them instead of criticising them. I have very few friends who I can consider a REAL friend, but the one's I do have are rare Jewels. Maybe your "friends" should take you into consideration and see the treasures in you.