He has changed .....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
He has changed .....
Tue, 11-04-2003 - 11:26am
I have been dating this man for 4 months. He has stated that he loves me and even made comment about saving money for "our" house in the future. The problem is, is that he has started to withdraw. He doesnt call me and talk with me like he did one month ago. When we go out on our Saturday night date, he now has another couple come along. I confronted him about his distance with me and he said that he doesnt really see how he is doing anything like that. We can talk freely with one another when we do talk but he doesnt seem to understand that I want to be his friend as well as his girlfriend. Please, if anyone has any good advice for me, I would appreciate it. I am a divorced mother of two, and have been out of the dating scene for a while and it actually was 3 years since the divorce and he is the first guy that has caught my interest in another relationship. I dont know if I am allowed to put my email on here but here it is ..PUPTCH@AOL.COM
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Tue, 11-04-2003 - 2:41pm
Hi there,

Yes men can be frustrating can't they? I am in the same predicament as you are, my bf of 3+ months has started to become..I guess comfortable..so that he doesn't do things that he used to. I think he assumes he has done his job and won me over so all his work is done. Ha ha little does he know! Seriously though, my point is that guys change, they get lazy and comfortable. I think also at this stage in a relationship it is normal for people (either the man or the woman) to pull away sometimes. This doesn't mean that they won't come back, just give him the space he needs and keep busy yourself. He will come around. It sounds to me that he is kinda clueless that he is making you feel that way. Maybe you can take charge a little and tell him things that you would like to do.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Tue, 11-04-2003 - 7:00pm
This sounds all too familiar. My bf of 7 mos. talks quite often about our future together, even volunteers to "take care of me" when I have big bills sometimes, but then he'll go through periods of emotional and physical withdrawal as though he's feeling suffocated. All I can think is "either be in this relationship or don't be," screw him needing "space." (lol) Sometimes the back and forth is so emotionally and mentally draining. He's taken me to Crete, he likes to dine out with me, basically likes to throw a lot of money around and talk about "our kids" in the future but then he's never (no exaggeration here) bought me flowers, made a candlelit dinner for me, written me a love note; romance according to how I understand it has been non-existent. Could that be his passive-aggressive way of holding back emotionally for fear of being tied down, which he ironically seems to push for? He's asked me to move in with him twice, to which I've said not yet. Good grief ladies, is this a "guy thing" or is it just the Peter Pan's?