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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Hello
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Sat, 12-31-2011 - 11:18am

Hi, my name is Jennifer and I'm 33 and I'm not married and have no kids. But I'm in a relationship with an amazing man. But I feel like there is something missing in my life...well I know what it is. I don't have many close friends I can trust anymore. Actually I have no close friends anymore.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
In reply to: miss_jennylee
Sat, 12-31-2011 - 6:41pm
Hey there Jennifer and happy new year to you too! I'm not sure what the deal is but once I hit 25 (now I'm 29) my seemingly endless gang of women pals dwindled to nothing. Some got married and/or had kids and disappeared. Some moved to other states or countries. Some became so negative and/or flaky I chose to drop them. And the others? Who knows. I get that we all grow and friendships change over time, but where are our gal pals? Like you I feel my life is greatly missing that aspect, but have run out of ideas on how to fill it.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
In reply to: miss_jennylee
Sat, 12-31-2011 - 11:30pm
I completely understand where your coming from. A lot of the people I use to hang out with all got married and have children now. I guess since I don't have kids I'm no fun to hang out with lol


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
In reply to: miss_jennylee
Mon, 01-02-2012 - 9:58am
i'm with you guys on this one; i'm 35 and married but w/out kids, and it seems like it's hard to meet other women in our age group. i know they exist - they have to - but where are they? (and not all of them can have kids; it's just not possible.) but i'm wondering if we are all focusing too much on age and not enough on just having fun. i mean, would you rather hang out with a group of other women in their 30s who aren't particularly fun/friendly/whatever, or a group of women who are all different ages but you have a total blast together? how much does age matter? i play in a volleyball league where i am the only 35 year old; all the other women are under 30 or over 40. but we have an awesome time. so i'm starting to think that maybe someone's chronological age isn't that important. it's your attitude that counts. what do you guys do for fun?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
In reply to: miss_jennylee
Tue, 01-03-2012 - 1:44am
I've tried being open on the age thing and for me it has only worked sparingly. Most of the women I meet are either 10+ years older than me so they're in some form of married/kids/divorced/widowed stages which I don't relate to or they're 5+ years younger and still in the party/clubbing stage which I also don't relate to. I find when I don't relate to someone/s they eventually start excluding me because conversation is limited. Other times I meet women who I think I would get along fabulously with and they already have their own group and the group isn't open to a new addition. I totally don't get that, but it happens. Sometimes I find an older friend that can get away every few months to have lunch or something, but that's not really my goal.

I don't think my interests are that unusual. I regularly attend cultural events, performing arts, volunteer, hike, yoga, cook, try new restaurants (including ethnic foods), watch movies, read, wine tasting, day trips, and checking out local bands. I also like bowling, board games/trivia, indoor rock climbing, mini golf, comedy clubs, watching some live sports..... but those are things that you really need someone else to enjoy. I try to be open to suggestions as well.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
In reply to: miss_jennylee
Tue, 01-03-2012 - 9:00am
Age really doesn't matter. It would just be really awesome to have a group of friends to hang out with. My best friend is 27, but we hardly hang out anymore because her and her hubby started hanging out with couples that have children. Which is awesome for her, but sucky for me. And then I have a couple girls I hang out with at school, one is 25 and the other is in her mid 40s so age doesn't matter to me.
I enjoy doing pretty much whatever. Watching movies, reading, spending time with my boyfriend and my family. I live a pretty boring life lol I'm thinking about maybe getting involved in a gym or finding new hobbies where I meet people.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
In reply to: miss_jennylee
Fri, 01-20-2012 - 8:49am

so the girls you hang out with at school, would you consider them friends? if not, what would it take for you to think of them as "friends"? or are you just waiting for a 'group of friends' to accept you and welcome you in? (sounds kinda like a sorority to me.) there's no such thing as instant friends - you have to work at it. sometimes it takes years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
In reply to: miss_jennylee
Fri, 01-20-2012 - 9:06am
no, your interests aren't that unusual and sound a lot like mine. but why do you need someone else to enjoy them with? (forgive me if my question sounds stupid, but i would be happy doing any of those things by myself.) have you ever looked on meetup.com for other activities that might be going on in your area? it doesn't sound like you need stuff to do; i was just thinking that could increase your chances of finding other women whom you might relate to.

how does conversation become limited for you? do you run out of things to talk about, or do you just feel awkward after a certain point?

that's too bad about the other-women-in-the-group thing. you would think that most people would be open to making new friends, but a lot are afraid of losing the ones they have so they exclude newcomers. it's really a shame but i do see it sometimes. would you really want to be part of a group that is exclusive like that?

i understand not wanting to be a part of the party/clubbing scene anymore, but what's wrong with married/kids/divorced/widowed? someday you will be in one of those stages yourself; would you want someone to exclude you because they felt they couldn't relate to you? i'm married; would you exclude me because of that one thing, even though we seem to have a lot of interests in common? sorry for all the questions, but i'm just trying to see where you're coming from.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
In reply to: miss_jennylee
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 2:03am

...but why do you need someone else to enjoy them with? (forgive me if my question sounds stupid, but i would be happy doing any of those things by myself.) have you ever looked on meetup.com...

I don't have to have company to enjoy doing something I enjoy.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
In reply to: miss_jennylee
Wed, 01-25-2012 - 9:37am
it sounds to me like you're looking for two different things: 1) people to share your interests 2) people to have meaningful discussions with. am i right? if so, do both of those criteria have to be met for you to consider being friends with someone, or could you, say, go bowling with other women who wouldn't shut up about their husbands/kids, and still have a good time doing the activity? i'm just wondering if it's all-or-nothing for you.

i've found much of the same regarding conversation - i think relationships are stressful, so most women talk about theirs as a way to vent. it's also an easy conversation topic.

i also think most of us are lazy and don't want to do the work when it comes to making friends, so we will just hang out with other people that we can "relate" to (even if we can't stand them) because it's convenient. it's really a shame.

tell me what a typical weekday is like for you. what kind of work do you do? what do you do after work? how about on the weekends?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
In reply to: miss_jennylee
Thu, 01-26-2012 - 8:55pm

I would say I definitely prefer to have friends I relate to and have meaningful conversations with.

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