help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
help!
8
Fri, 01-30-2004 - 8:10pm
Hi everyone, I just found out about ivillage today and it seems like a really good site.

Help! I'm turning 35 on Monday, and I'm not ready!! I can't believe how time has flown. It seems like yesterday I was 29 without a care in the world and all of a sudden I'm turning 35! All of my friends are married and or have kids etc. and have moved on with their lives and I've been left in the dust!

To make matters worse almost 9 yrs ago I fell into a job that I said was only temporary and I'm still there! But wait, it gets worse, 2 yrs ago I was forced on a leave and have been battling to get back to work (I'm still an employee, but they wont let me back to work). Everyone thinks it's great to be off work, trust me after a while it's not. The problem is if I take another job while off I'll lose all my benefits and my case (grievance). I'm not even sure yet what else I would pursue. I just want to move on with my life and don't know what to do next! I feel like I had more direction when I was younger! And man things were a heck of a lot more fun too!

Also, I finally found a great relationship, after years of mistakes, but I think my relationship is also stuck as a result of the rest of my life being stuck.

Well, thanks for listening and for any advice./.

Amy


Edited 1/31/2004 3:14:59 AM ET by amy649

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
In reply to: amy649
Fri, 01-30-2004 - 11:12pm
Hi Amy,

Happy Birthday come Monday!

I can understand some of your frustration. I'm 34 and never been married. In fact, I ended a 7 year relationship back in August. I have gone out on a few dates with different guys; but nothing worked out beyond the dating stage. So I know what it's like to be a single 30-something in a sea of marrieds; but I also know I'm not the only one and it's ok.

Several years ago I was told my 30's would be my best years. Well, they certainly have been the most tumultuous for me; but after all is said and done, so far this decade has been better to me than my teens and twenties. I've learned far more about myself and my needs withing the past few months than any other time. I've also learned that there really is no time line as to where everyone should be at each age.

I think you know what you need to do get your life on track; but it's not always easy to make changes. I really don't like to give advice, because we are all different and what works for someone may not work for someone else. I do know how scary and how much of an undertaking it can be to make a big life change and that those transitions are not always easy; but the end result is always much better than the situation before.

Anyway, I don't know if any of this helps or not; but I'm pulling for you.

Good luck and enjoy life.

Rebecca

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to: amy649
Fri, 01-30-2004 - 11:36pm
Thanks Rebecca, your advice is good and helpful. Maybe I need a kick in the butt! Big change is hard.

I know starting over after a really long relationship is really hard, obviously that person became a huge part of your life. I ended a five year relationship, (a long time ago) but I can still remember how odd it seemed to be without that person anymore. Anyhow, in terms of relationships I know I am better for the experience and definitely better without him now.

Good luck to you too. And by the way there are (believe it or not)some great guys out there for girls like us who wait for the "good ones."

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
In reply to: amy649
Sat, 01-31-2004 - 9:20pm
Thank you for the encouragement, Amy. You're right, my ex of seven years was a huge part of my life and we are still friends; so I am grateful for that. About nine years ago, I ended another seven year relationship (maybe there's a trend there LOL!). The year and several months I spent not dating after that were an important time in my life. I didn't feel lonely and I felt sure of myself for, probably, the first time ever. Of course, the circumstances behind that breakup were considerably different than this latest break up.

I think I'm hoping for too much; but I'm sure whatever is meant for me will happen in due time - as well for you, too.

Take care,

Rebecca

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to: amy649
Sat, 01-31-2004 - 11:12pm
Hey Rebecca, I like to think that whatever is meant to be will happen. So hang in there girl! At least you know you're capable of long term committed relationships which is a lot more than some people can say. Stick to your guns and don't settle and you'll end up with the guy closest to your dreams.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
In reply to: amy649
Sun, 02-01-2004 - 4:15am
Thanks, Amy.

I think things are going to work out for you, too. You did say you were in a great relationship. If it's in a rut, there are things that can be done to change that. Maybe try something new or different; or take a day trip somewhere. Sometimes a little change or diversion is all that's needed to get a relationship out of a rut.

Have fun and good luck.

Rebecca

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to: amy649
Sun, 02-01-2004 - 3:02pm
Hey Rebecca, I see you're a night owl like me! You're right about the relationship and trying something new. BUT, get this... last night my bf really pissed me off! So I take back what I said. hehe. Tomorrow is my birthday and I hoped my bf would take me out for a romantic dinner, but to make a very long boring story short... due to his usual lack of communication....we didn't end up going out! AND today is "SUPERBOWL" Sunday (yipee!) and MR. Football himself would never miss that! And Monday he works and I have night school and since we don't live together I wont see him.

Now, I feel like telling he to return my gifts, and making it so I don't see him all week! I'm so miffed, I feel like telling him to get lost! I know I'm being immature, but I'm sooooo frustrated...it's the same thing everytime we fight (which isn't often). He's generally a great bf, but when he doesn't communicate and it causes problems it appears very selfish on his part, like all he's thinking about is himself !

Ugh!

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
In reply to: amy649
Sun, 02-01-2004 - 7:43pm
Hey Amy.

Well, I'm not so much a night owl as I am an insomniac; but that's another story. Sorry to hear about the miscommunication. That's one of the major problems I had with my most recent ex. It seems like we were never on the same page and I guess we weren't the best at discussing our emotions.

If it were me, I wouldn't say anything re gifts. I think right now you're just blowing off steam and I can appreciate that. I would let him know I was disappointed, however, and leave it at that. See, I learned a valuable lesson the hard way; you have to be honest with yourself and him and you have to be able to tell him how you feel when something major like this has happened. In addition, you have to be able to do it in a calm, cool, collected manner. I think he owes it to you to explain to you why he didn't take you out. Communication is a two way street; but I'm sure you already know this. You have to let him know what you expect and you have to let him know that he needs to let you know what he expects.

At least, that's what I think based on past experience.

Take care and

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW!!!!

Rebecca

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to: amy649
Sun, 02-01-2004 - 9:18pm
Rebecca, thanks for the good advice again. I have to say no joke, I have insomnia too!! Mine is a whole other story too, but started when I stopped working due to the stress. I tried everything!!! Sleeping pills, Herbs, viatamins, homeopathy (one remedy I found is helping now). I've finally been put on tryptaphan (an amino acid) for it, it has helped, but I'm still not sleeping like I used to. Holy Cow! What a small world (so to speak).

If you need any info on the homeopathic remedies (if you don't already have it) or anything feel free to ask. My email is thediamondgirl@hotmail.com if you want to use it.

Amy