how do you deal with a lying friend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
how do you deal with a lying friend?
6
Mon, 12-08-2003 - 7:32pm


I have been friends with someone for a few years who has always told Over the top stories that I continually questioned (i.e.posing in a popular magazine, moving to Africa to volunteer for a gorilla refuge, playing guitar in a band). After 2 years I couldn't handle it, I felt that most of the stories were either lies or complete exagerations. So I distanced myself from her for awhile and then we decided to meet for lunch to discuss "things". I told her how I felt about all the stories without outright calling her a liar because I cannot really "prove" that they are lies and I felt that it would be best to avoid accusing her of that.

So we continued our friendship but the exagerations/lies continue and I'm again extremely frustrated.

Recently I watched her give a gift to a mutual friend ... she claimed that she had knitted this blanket herself. I completely thought she was lying but did not say anything. That weekend I saw the EXACT blanket on Sale at a local department store!!!

WHY? Why would she lie? I don't know how to handle her anymore - I am frustrated and extremely annoyed because I think it's So unnecessary.

Any suggestions??

Thank you.







iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2003
Mon, 12-08-2003 - 9:28pm
I think we all encounter people like this in our lives. i too had a friend who would extent the truth sometimes , she would tell a story about something and i would question it.I wasnt sure if it was true or false.sometimes we would be with friends and she would start talking about something she did and id be like no thats not how it happened cause i was with her when that time .So i would confront her on it and she would blow it off or get mad. so I just started to pull away from her and she would only call me when she wanted something.Most people lie cause they arent happy with their lives, and they want to make a good impression on people to fit in.Its okay to extend the truth to make a story more funnier or something but to lie about their achievements or what they can do is not right. It will be hard to prove she has lied to you and accuseing her of it just makes worse. so my advice is to either pull away and if she asks you why then tell her you dont trust her or believe all the stories she has told you. i hope this helps but maybe somebody else here can give more advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Tue, 12-09-2003 - 10:01am
While I've never had this problem with one of my own friends, my best friend's husband is just as you described, and it drives us all nuts!

Some of the stories he tells; it's hard to not roll your eyes at him and say "Yeah, right!". Unfortunately, his lies weren't told solely to make himself look better; it directly effected me once.

He set me up on a blind date with a guy he worked with (who, BTW, is now my DH!). We hit it off really well, but after a few months, started feeling a strain. My friend's husband was telling my BF all this stuff about me that was completely untrue, but I could see BF was really unsure who to believe. Then the friend's husband nailed himself; he went into work one day and told my BF that he had seen me out with another guy over the past weekend; the problem was, I was with my BF at the time this alleged incident took place. Man, was my BF ticked; despite the fact that he was half the size of friend's hubby, he completely went off on him, telling him he'd let a lot of lies slide (things that supposedly happened to the guy, but you knew he was lying), but lying about me was it.

It's difficult to distance ourselves from this guy, seeing as how he is my best friend's hubby, but we try to spend as little time with him as possible without being openly rude about it. And we take absolutely everything he says with a little grain of salt!

Hope you can find a solution that you're comfortable with, and that works for you.

Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Tue, 12-09-2003 - 10:33am
i think you're only friends w/ her b/c you find her intriguing, intersting. you may partly 'want' to believe these stories. like you know someone so cool.

lying gives her power over others. you may like to see a person wield power & sway over others.

you may be intrigued my her manipulativeness- as it is a skill. it takes courage, arrogance & all kinds of mindsets to be such an outrageous liar & you're probably just taken with it despite yourself. it makes you mad but you also can't get enough of it. otherwise, you'd be grossed out & you'd tell her she sucks & never see her again.

she sounds like a typical cocky jerk.

good luck finding a better friend.

audacity (or a lot of guts) is very seductive & compelling. but i'd pull myself away. first, you may want to put her in her place since you had to listen to her b.s. for yrs.

 Katrina
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Tue, 12-09-2003 - 1:24pm
You might not be able to 'prove' she is lying, but if she's not, she should have some proof on some of those things. I would call her out on some of her lies, you can do so without accusing her. She says she posed for a magazine, tell her you would love to see it, I'm sure she must have bought a copy. Moving to Africa to volunteer for a gorilla refuge, I'm sure no one would do that without taking a few pictures, tell her you would love to see the pics. She's in a band... when/where are they playing?, you would just love to come and watch them......
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 1:28pm
Call her bluff, every single time. Maybe she'll get the picture and stop, maybe not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 7:46pm
I have talked about the stories with her ...

and I have called her on what I believed were lies by asking to see/hear/witness the 'story' in person ....

and I have tried distancing myself (but her husband is close with mine) ....

I feel like I have done everything except Tell her staight up I think she is lying and ask why she does it.

maybe thats my next step.