How do you Nurture Your Relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2008
How do you Nurture Your Relationship?
2
Mon, 02-25-2013 - 4:58am

My friend A, her boyfriend is cheating on her.  Friend B, she's single with a stalker ex-boyfriend.  Friend C, she's dating guys that just use her for sex.  Friend D, she's engaged to a man who flirts with me (then I cut off his communication with me).

I am the ONLY one of my friends who has a healthy relationship.  I want to have female friends who also have healthy relationships with their boyfriends or husbands. 

Here are 5 ways I Nurture my Relationship with my Boyfriend (I feel like sharing & being positive):

1) SELF CARE: I take care of myself.  I attend therapy, because I grew up in an abusive childhood & have abandonment issues.  So I work on my self-esteem so I am an emotionally independent girlfriend. 

2)  MAKE HIM IMPORTANT: I mark my calendars of his "bad work days" (the day of the week that work is tough on him) & I don't make plans so I can give him dinner, sex & a 60 minute full body massage. 

3) LISTEN, DON'T TAKE OVER THE CONVERSATION:  I read John Grey's Men are from Mars Women are from Venus.  I never give advice.  I only listen and praise.  Giving advice will make a guy feel incompetent and will hurt his ego.


4) ACCOMODATE: I clean his room.  He's bad at cleaning.  And I don't have a car. (I am 28 and live on my own and pay rent.  He and I don't make much money.  But he pays for a car, insurance & gas...so he can afford to drive us around.  And I pay for most dates).  So he helps me in his ways & I help back.  (We both live in our own homes)


5) SEX: It's not very hard to give oral sex when I don't feel up to it.  Intercourse requires a woman to be arroused and "wet" but oral sex is so easy & fun.  Sex is way to emotionally connect (in a committed relationship).  Guys masturbate 1-3 times a day.  Why not (sometimes or most of the time) have a woman make it feel better (and there's connection)?

I am envolved in online social groups...that meet in person.  I will make it a goal to meet female friends who have healthy relationships.  I am tired of having no friends who relate to me =(


AND!!!!  My parents have a background of infedilty.  My dad cheated on my mom for 11 years.  That's why I am into all this psychology crap & I read so much. 

And my boyfriend is faithful.  We have each other's email passwords, he makes me feel safe & secure. 


***** tell me what you think.  I just want to vent & get reassurance *****

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2012
Mon, 02-25-2013 - 1:25pm

Confident,

Your name says it all! I think these are awesome tips and are a very healthy way to keep a relationship solid.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2008
Mon, 02-25-2013 - 1:55pm

Hi

Thank you for your positive feeback!  I am 28 now.  At age 24 and below, I suffered abusive relationships.  I had low self esteem.  And I attracted what I thought I deserved...=(