I do it all and I'm tired of it...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
I do it all and I'm tired of it...
5
Thu, 09-25-2003 - 4:27pm

I feel like I truly do it all. I'm a mom of a 5.5 y/o, I work at home (2 jobs), we own a dog, I am married, we own a house and I take care of everyone and everything. In my early 30s now, I shouldn't be this tired all the time. Sometimes I wonder if I have CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome). But then I realize, it can't be CFS. I am just constantly moving, constantly doing and not sleeping as much as I used to. I wish I could get more sleep, but I wake up every morning at 6 a.m. (not because I choose to, because I have to) and go to bed at 11 p.m. My DH hasn't always been the most understanding guy, so when I tell him I need some more sleep and want to turn in early, he gets upset and makes me feel guilty. He tells me he never gets to spend time with me alone and staying up until 11 allows us that time. Plus, he doesn't want to deal with the dog by himself (she's MY dog), so he complains about doing that, too. I seriously need some time for ME, but don't have the time to even think about what I'd do!


I have found myself yelling more at my child because I'm stressed out. I've asked my DH to help out, but he refuses or has a reason why he can't. Some of the stress I feel is because of him and his lack of respect and responsibility. Unfortunately, I can't change him. I can only change me and what I do. I can't give up my jobs or my house, or my dog, or my son. I just don't know what to do!


Thanks for letting me vent. Maybe you all can offer some encouraging words for me. I'm ready to pull my hair out and run away to the circus!


Rebecca

Rebecca
Loving wife to David (3-2

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Fri, 09-26-2003 - 11:20am
Rebecca,

First of all, take a nice, deep breath.

You are definitely not alone here. Women today are balancing more tasks than ever before, and high stress among women is on the rise. Historically, it's been the man who "provides" and has the most responsibility; not anymore. For some reason, women are now feeling like they need to be able to "do it all". But you need a break, or you're going to burn out (been there, done that, not fun!).

First, I think you need to find a calming activity, something that you can do when you start feeling stressed. It doesn't have to be something really involved; take a walk around the block, do some yoga for 15 minutes, take a hot bubble bath with some relaxing music and candles in the background, make yourself a special kind of tea or coffee. You need to find little ways that will work for you that will help you to de-stress.

Second, you need to have a serious, heart-felt talk with DH. It sounds like you've tried, so perhaps you need to come at it from a different angle. Perhaps letting him know that helping you out on occasion with the dog, kid, etc, will provide you with more "quality" time to spend with him. Reach some kind of compromise.

No need to run to the circus; you're already there! You just need to learn to control the audience, and give the performance YOU want to, not that somebody else wants to see.

You can do it! Now go have some really rich, decadent treat, and tell yourself "I can do it!".

Jennifer:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Sat, 09-27-2003 - 3:24pm
I guess either becoming a stay at home mom or divorcing this man isn't an option? It would be to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Sun, 09-28-2003 - 7:12pm
I don't know enough about her situation to say whether or not becoming a SAHM is an option; a lot of people can't afford this option.

As for divorce, unless you're in an abusive situation, I would never recommend divorce as anything other than a final option.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 09-28-2003 - 8:39pm
I would make out a list of all the chores that need to be done and tell your husband that in the future these tasks are going to be divided equally between you 2. Ask him which ones he would like to do. If he refuses this solution, I think the next step is marital counseling. Don't be an depressed/angry doormat for your family! Good luck! Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Sun, 09-28-2003 - 9:50pm

Rebecca,


Huge hugs to you! It sounds like you have a tough job. I don't really think I have any advice, as I struggle with something similar myself. I have recently found myself in a new place, though, and I feel a lot better. Maybe, by telling you a little about my situation, it will help you with yours.


I'm a sahm with three children..ages 6, 3 and 20 months old, a dog, a cat, and now, three tiny turtles (LOL). I also tend to a quadraplegic 3 evevings a week 6-11pm, I also just recently started school online, and there's tons of information crammed into each week. In addition to that, DH has to get up at 4:30am, I wake up, but then go back to a restless type sleep until 6:30, get one kid ready for school, the other two for the day, walk the dog, feed the kids, animals etc., AND...(heehee) I get to the gym. I find myself worn out, a lot of the time. In my case, DH helps out. I walk the dog when he's not home, he walks the dog all other times, I feed the animals, he helps with house hold chores, and the kids...and the poor dear stays up til 12 with me, just to spend time with me (of course he takes an hour or so nap, before I get home at night).


In any case, I used to feel like I did it all, and all by myself. I found out that all I needed to do, was let Dh take some of the pressure off of me. It was almost like I wanted all the pressure, so that