I feel like I don't have any time left

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
I feel like I don't have any time left
14
Tue, 11-03-2009 - 7:54pm

One of my biggest weaknesses is impatience. I know this.


I'm 31. I'm single.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Tue, 11-03-2009 - 8:31pm

Hi Sun


(((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))


I think you are smart to take some time to heal.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2007
Tue, 11-03-2009 - 10:28pm

Dear Sun14,

I can totally relate to what you're saying. I was in your shoes 4 and a half years ago, before I met my boyfriend. I was 28. I know you may think that I was younger than you and it's ok, but it's not. I believe every woman's biological clock is a little different, some tick faster than others. At 28, I felt the same way you're feeling right now. I had just broken up with my ex at the time. We were together for 4 years before he broke it off with me, and then I found out that he was dating someone new and told me that he was planning to marry her. I was devastated because he was the first and only guy I ever dated for that long and the first guy I ever loved. I took it real hard, but I had to move on. There was a period of 2 years where I dated many men, all of which turned out to either just want to screw me or just did not click. I've had many disasterous encounters where one guy I dated and we quickly got intimate and he never called me back. And another guy I dated on and off for about 6 months, who was also cheating on me behind my back. I found it out when we were at a movie theater together and his phone rang and he picked up and I could hear a girl's voice. I later confronted him about it and he admitted to cheating on me. I even got to a point where I became almost desperate, angry at the way my life has turned out. Like you, I was the girl in high school that everyone thought would be the girl every man would love to marry. I held on to that thought thinking at 28 I would be already be settled down with the man I love, and have a family and possibly children. I never thought that my life would turned out to be the opposite. Needless to say, it was a confusing time for me. The turning point was when I quit trying too hard. I quit thinking too hard about why my life is the way it is. About why I can't seem to meet the right guy. About my biological clock that is ticking. And just about my life in general. In summary, I made a complete turn around of my attitude. In short, I just tried to go about it with a different attitude. I learn to take it easy on myself, relax and have a good time wherever I am or with who ever I'm with. When I went on another date, I stopped wondering whether or not he's the one. I just let go of all the things that were pressuring me and just have a different more positive outlook on life...........and that's when I ran into the love of my life...my boyfriend. When I first met him, it was different. I didn't expect anything not even our first date to last, but one date became 2...then it became a week, 2 weeks, 1 month, and now 5 years that we have been together and looking back on our relationship all I did was let go of everything, of every expectations that I had out of myself...and surprisingly everything is going really good. I can't tell you if it's going to be the same for you, but I can tell you that if you just let go of all these expectations you have of yourself and just try to have a different more positive outlook on life, you'll be much happier. You're 31....not 41 or 51.. I don't agree that you are too old. You still have a long way ahead of you, just try to have fun with the time you have, and enjoy life. Everyone's life is different...some people at your age are already married and juggling 2 or 3 jobs with 4 or 5 kids to feed...maybe they wish they could have your life and not have all the responsibility of a family to hold them down. Just my opinion, but your time will come. I believe that even though times may be tough right now, but you will find that special someone some day soon. Don't give up. We've all been there. You are not alone. HUGS and good luck to you. I will be praying for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
Wed, 11-04-2009 - 6:02am
Well you've come to the right place. We are here to listen, give advice, vent to, brag to...basically just here to be supportive of each other.
Kristie is right, I did sign up with some groups on meetup.com and have met some wonderful ladies.
Time, time, time is right! It definitely takes time to heal.
Hope you decide to stick around here! =)









a.jpg" target='_blank'>Photobucket










jpg" target='_blank'>Photobucket

















iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
Wed, 11-04-2009 - 8:59am

much to your mom's dismay i would say that you should talk to the ex.again WHEN YOU are ready and not a moment before.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 11-04-2009 - 9:07am

thank you. Our stories are not all that dissimilar in which I was 28 when my fiance broke up with me. I have been dating all kinds of men that are just wrong, wrong, wrong. I keep in touch with my ex because we live very far from one another and like I said he is my very best friend despite it all and really is the only person in my life who actually listens to me.


I'm just having such a hard time right now because to really move on I feel like I have to cry it out and I need people in my life to tell me that there isn't anything wrong with me. but last night I'm IMing a friend and all she can do is go on and on and on about herself and how she's cheated on her husband with 4 different men.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Wed, 11-04-2009 - 12:44pm
I hope you are feeling a little bit better today!!
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
Thu, 11-05-2009 - 9:16am

OK SUN.. I WILL TELL YOU THIS THEN.. ITS OK TO CRY after all you are "mourning" the loss of love.. so its ok.... and its also OK to not always be in the best of moods..


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Thu, 11-05-2009 - 12:12pm

Thanks. I know I'm all Debbie Downer this week and I want to believe that things will get better. and really when i think about it nothing in my life has changed at all. We were broken up for almost 3 years. but in those 3 years he's always said that he loved me but that circumstances were keeping us apart (his first child, our distance from each other). In all that time we've only seen each other once so its not like he was keeping me going because he was getting something out of it other than an ego boost of having some whiney pathetic desparate girl clinging onto him. I'm just sad because I thought that even if I didn't have someone I knew that there was someone in the world who loved me (romanticly I mean not like familial or friendly). Now I don't have that. And I wonder why he was dragging me along all this time? And I wonder if he ever loved me at all of if it were just a lie.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
Fri, 11-06-2009 - 9:25am

if i say to you

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Fri, 11-06-2009 - 10:05am

Thank you for sharing

Pages