I feel like I don't have any time left

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
I feel like I don't have any time left
14
Tue, 11-03-2009 - 7:54pm

One of my biggest weaknesses is impatience. I know this.


I'm 31. I'm single.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Fri, 11-13-2009 - 1:30pm

thanks. Its just so fustrating because in reality I don't feel the rush to be in a relationship, I'm only 31 so I have lots of time, God willing. However, that baby thing is just rapidly slipping through my fingers and makes everything seem that much more rushed. And in all acutality I never wanted kids anyway. but now that its becoming less of a choice I'm really feeling the pangs.


As far as dating and such I'm attached to my ex because I'm kind of

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
Fri, 11-13-2009 - 8:35am

but in a way he did "DIE"yes not physically BUT WHAT you had with him did die..


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2005
Thu, 11-12-2009 - 6:13pm

I don't think I have any words of wisdom for you, but I do know EXACTLY how you feel!! I'm 30 and although I am in a relationship, I still feel worried that we won't make it and then I'll have to start all over again. I've done this so many times before, been in love, broken up ... and if this one doesn't work out, I'll be that much older.

And then when you feel that way, dating can feel like an interview for the position of husband/father of my children. Relationships can feel like you're just waiting for a proposal so you can get the ball rolling in the right direction toward a family. I totally get it. And I think my boyfriend feels the pressure that these thoughts have put on our relationship.

I think the only thing you can do is be optimistic and hope/believe that it will somehow work out. I don't think there's anything wrong with believing that you will talk to your ex again. But I do think that you will not be able to move on until you don't NEED to feel like you HAVE TO be friends with him. Sometimes believing that we can be friends in the future is the only way I can really get over someone. But after enough time has passed and once I'm happily in a new relationship and I don't want to even day dream about what might have been or of getting back together with an ex ... when those feelings go away, while I may be somewhat interested in a friendship and curious about how they're doing, I don't feel like anything is really missing from my life if they aren't in it. And I don't think you can really have a relationship with someone else unless you don't care that much about maintaining contact with this ex. The guy you end up with should be your best friend once you get there. And I think maintaining a friendship with this guy will only lengthen the process of getting over him. If the fantasy of bring friends in the future makes it easier to get through this period of wanting to talk to him, that's fine. But the reality of the situation is that you probably won't be much more than acquaintances, if that, in the future. It sounds like he was a very important person in your life, but he doesn't have to stay in your life for that to be true!

Anyway, it sounds like you're doing everything right. Get some space and distance from the ex and start dating when you feel ready. Not when you feel ready for a relationship, that might take longer. Just go on a date or two. Be careful that things don't get too serious too fast, but sharing a meal and flirting with a cute guy can actually make you feel better. And feeling a connection with someone can make you see that there is potential for you to feel close with someone and that your ex isn't the only guy you could have that connection that might develop into a deep bond with.

Hang in there. I really do understand what you're saying! Keep your head up, try not to listen to the clock ticking in the background, and I really think everything can work out for you!

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SDFX
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Fri, 11-06-2009 - 12:24pm

Hi Sun,


 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Fri, 11-06-2009 - 10:05am

Thank you for sharing

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
Fri, 11-06-2009 - 9:25am

if i say to you

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Thu, 11-05-2009 - 12:12pm

Thanks. I know I'm all Debbie Downer this week and I want to believe that things will get better. and really when i think about it nothing in my life has changed at all. We were broken up for almost 3 years. but in those 3 years he's always said that he loved me but that circumstances were keeping us apart (his first child, our distance from each other). In all that time we've only seen each other once so its not like he was keeping me going because he was getting something out of it other than an ego boost of having some whiney pathetic desparate girl clinging onto him. I'm just sad because I thought that even if I didn't have someone I knew that there was someone in the world who loved me (romanticly I mean not like familial or friendly). Now I don't have that. And I wonder why he was dragging me along all this time? And I wonder if he ever loved me at all of if it were just a lie.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
Thu, 11-05-2009 - 9:16am

OK SUN.. I WILL TELL YOU THIS THEN.. ITS OK TO CRY after all you are "mourning" the loss of love.. so its ok.... and its also OK to not always be in the best of moods..


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Wed, 11-04-2009 - 12:44pm
I hope you are feeling a little bit better today!!
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 11-04-2009 - 9:07am

thank you. Our stories are not all that dissimilar in which I was 28 when my fiance broke up with me. I have been dating all kinds of men that are just wrong, wrong, wrong. I keep in touch with my ex because we live very far from one another and like I said he is my very best friend despite it all and really is the only person in my life who actually listens to me.


I'm just having such a hard time right now because to really move on I feel like I have to cry it out and I need people in my life to tell me that there isn't anything wrong with me. but last night I'm IMing a friend and all she can do is go on and on and on about herself and how she's cheated on her husband with 4 different men.

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