I'm 36, have a reationship question

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
I'm 36, have a reationship question
4
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 4:07am

I’ve been with my BF for 10 years. He is 15 years older than me. He’s always been a party guy and that eventually led to being out of work, now for 3 years. I haven’t felt happy with him for a long time. I have been carrying everything, all of the bills and responsibilities.  I have realized lately that I cannot see a future with him. I love him. We have many years together, but he’s got no retirement fund, no current job and basically no motivation. All of this pent up nonsense has lead me to cheat on him. I think I did it to feel things out for myself by finding out if I felt guilty, or only wanted his touch etc….Well here’s what happened….

The new guy knows the whole situation, he’s 38. Sexy, smart, fun and has a great career. He knows that I cant toss my BF out because he cannot support himself right now. We have been together 3 times. I am CRAZY about him. I know him since we’re kids, we were supposed to go out 10 years ago when I met my BF , so we never did until now! I absolutely love being with him, texting him , talking to him etc……so the big question  is Wha should I do? I can’t break up with BF now and I really want to keep seeing the new guy. He’s OK with being “the other guy”, at least for now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2012
Fri, 08-24-2012 - 11:53am

You absolutely can break up with your boyfriend now and you should. Tell him point-blank that you're not in love with him anymore and want to move on with your life, therefore he needs to find a job and get the hell out of your house. Allow him to remain there in the meantime, meaning for a month or two. And do as you will with this other guy. Life is way too short to keep waiting for happiness. Just do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
Fri, 08-24-2012 - 8:09pm
What do you mean you can't toss your bf out? Yes you can! Now to some that may sound heartless, but I don't think so. You're talking about an able bodied man in his 50s who is choosing to be taken care of instead of getting it together. Put him out, change the locks, and don't look back. His lack of financials are his own problem. His lack of a job is his own problem. His lack of stability period is his own problem. You coddling him, especially when you don't even want to be with him isn't helping anyone.
Follow me to Coping with Job Loss

Follow me to Birth Control

--------
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2012
Tue, 10-30-2012 - 7:33pm
Amen