Interested, but he has a girlfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
Interested, but he has a girlfriend
5
Wed, 11-26-2003 - 1:40pm
OK, so there's this guy at work named Ed. I felt a spark (on both sides) the first time we met. Since then, he's always been very nice to me, comments on my clothes and jewelry, etc. I am sure he is interested. I emailed his buddy, one of my peers at work, and asked about Ed's "status". He said Ed had a girlfriend but that "the flame was flickering". Hmmm, sooo, I casually asked Ed out to an event via email. He thanked me for the compliment and said unfortunately he was dating someone. He went on to say it was "unfortunate" because he would really like to get to know me better. He went on to say he thinks I'm fun, interesting, outgoing, and very SE-- (he left it at that). Since, I have asked him to lunch and we went and had a nice time. If he doesn't want to commit to the current girlfriend but is too "honorable" to let her down, how do I get more of his attention? Any suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 11-26-2003 - 1:47pm
If the flame is really flickering, let it die on it's own without your help. Otherwise you could be a rebound relationship, or a transgressional one. And how would you feel if you did get into a relationship with him, remembering how he was willing to start something up with another woman (YOU!) while he was still in a relationship? Why would it be any different with you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Wed, 11-26-2003 - 1:47pm
You don't. You should move on to someone who can give you their full attention. How would you feel if you were his girlfriend and there was someone at work who is trying to get your boyfriend's attention constantly? He did the honorable thing by telling you that you were great, but he can't do anything right now. Now you should do the honorable thing and leave him alone. Sorry, it's just that I've been "the girlfriend" in the situation and my boyfriend ended up cheating on me with his female co-worker (who was also married at the time AND his boss!)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 11-26-2003 - 2:26pm
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EEK! What a horrible thing, a co-worker & boss. Bad recipe for the career! My sister's husband (ex now) of almost 10 years cheated with a woman who was also married, they both divorced and married each other. I'd love to be a fly on the wall in that house-how can they ever trust each other?!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Wed, 11-26-2003 - 3:09pm
it gets better. My ex was also friends with his boss's husband...good friends. The woman and her husband had been talking about having kids. As soon as I broke up with the loser, she left her husband and started dating my ex. (I forgot to mention we all worked together!) She got pregnant about 4 months later before the divorce was even close to being final. Thankfully for me they both got laid off about two months after this all happened. Sounds like a Jerry Springer episode!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2003
Wed, 11-26-2003 - 5:56pm
I'm gonna keep this theme unanimous...leave him be and find a new interest. He made it clear that he is currently taken, but without hurting your feelings. And I agree, if he did cheat on her, how would you ever trust him? And do you really WANT someone that strays easily when the road gets a little rocky?

And I wouldn't wait around. Maybe things are rocky now, but lots of relationships have bumps that they work out before taking the leap into marriage. I wouldn't want to waste time waiting around hoping the relationship ends and end up watching watch him get married!
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