Lost

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2011
Lost
6
Sat, 11-26-2011 - 11:42am

I am 34 years old, married for 10 years, no kids. I'm feeling lost. My hubby and I have definitely fallen into a rut, but he doesn't seem to mind sitting on the couch every night watching TV. But I'm feeling bored and unsatisfied. So I've been hanging out with a 25 year old female friend and going out dancing and trying to have fun. However, this only serves to remind me of how old I am and in fact makes me

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
In reply to: jaci992
Sat, 11-26-2011 - 1:36pm

Well it sounds like you have 2 issues... 1) a lack of friends that you share common interests with... and 2) more excitement with your husband.

As for the first issue I'm really not sure what to tell you since I'm in the same boat.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2000
In reply to: jaci992
Mon, 11-28-2011 - 1:08pm
It's hard to make new friends unless your put yourself out there. I'd suggest taking a class (fitness, hobby, etc.). That's usually a good way to meet new people, and if you're in the same class then you've already got one thing in common.

DH and I will be married 10 years this spring (together for 20). The relationship doesn't make itself work, it's still something that requires a bit of effort. You have to make time for each other. I agree with ladybookworm that maybe a standing date night is in order.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2007
In reply to: jaci992
Sun, 01-29-2012 - 1:14pm

I'm in the same boat..I'm 33...went thru a really bad break up last year...my parents just moved away to another state..my brothers and sisters are all in their own little world, everybody's grown up and got their own lives...we don't talk on a daily basis..i hear from them like once a year...and then i've just recently lost alot of friends...one of them happened to be my best friend of 20 years..she's changed into a whole different person..our friendship became very toxic and i had to end it...i'm not dating a guy who wants to get married and be with me, but i'm still trying to figure out what i really want with my life..i don't feel "happy" i'm always feeling very depressed...i have no motivation to do anything..i have a good job, but thats' about it..besides that i feel very lonely sad and depressed...some days I want to cry...i basically have no body in my life right now but my boyfriend..he's a great guy but i'm still lost and don't know what i'm going to do with my life..i went thru a harsh break up ..i was with a guy for 6 years who deceived me..he was promising to marry me ..he told me we would get engaged, took me ring shopping, and days later dumped me told me i'm not the "one" for him..so I've been really hurt and can't get over this..it has been a year now..and i'm still hurting..and on top of that my best friend is not there for me, my parents are not around, my brothers and sisters are only into themselves..i only have my boyfriend who wants to be with me and wants to marry me, but the thought of marriage scares me now since i cant' trust anyone that tells me they want to marry me...so he said he would prove to me by buying me a ring...but i still feel scared and depressed all the time i don't really know what true love is anymore...sorry for the vent...i'm here looking at other people's stories..trying to find answers for myself too..sorry ..i hope my story will somehow make you feel better or at least you'd feel that you're not alone..good luck and hope you find peace..

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2012
In reply to: jaci992
Mon, 01-30-2012 - 11:13am

Hi! I've never posted a reply on any message board but after reading your story, I felt compelled to do so. You sound so sad. But, what most people fail to realize is, that's ok. Life is not a continuous Mardi Gras festival. There are chunks of time that are designated for exactly the kind of seemingly agonizing introspection you're going through right now. Acknowledging your pain and loneliness is part of the healing process. However, and I say this from experience, you have to SNAP OUT OF IT! Give all of that pain your ex-boyfriend caused you right back to him. Visualize it like a black cloud quickly drifting away from you and heading directly for him. Let him shoulder the responsibility and negativity of what he put you through. And free yourself from it. Now, feel the sunshine of your current boyfriend's love warming the back of your shoulders with his hugs, the core of your soul with his patience, devotion and honesty. Seriously, which feels better, the sinister energy you've allowed to hang over you like a pall for too long, or the beautiful possibility of true and lasting love that now belongs to you? I'll be 34 in March. I have a 4 year old son. His father and I were engaged when I got pregnant but I realized very early on that there was no way I could spend the rest of my life with that man - the toxicity of our relationship made me feel like my soul was slowly seeping away. I spent years of my life feeling empty and complacent. I left him in May. It was the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life, made much more so by a man who didn't want to be left. It required a level of courage I didn't think I was capable of. I was unable to see my child for an entire month after having never spent a single night away from him in 3 years. I lost 10 pounds in less than 2 weeks and wouldn't even get out of bed some days. Want to know the final result of all of that misery? There is not a single person in this world who will ever be able to convince me that I am not a strong, amazing woman. I proved it to myself by forcing myself to keep breathing on days I thought I'd rather just stop. By maintaining faith in the inevitable beauty and joy of life. And now, I am happy. And I know that that's my choice. NOONE can ever steal my happiness - I EARNED IT!!! I can't possibly regret that awful relationship because it brought my beautiful and brilliant son to me and the particular situation I was in allowed me to be a full time mother to him and savor every moment. That's how I look at it now. And leaving a man whom I had become completely financially dependent on meant I had to go float around the earth hoping someone would be there for me. And someone was. That time in my life was terrible in some ways, yes. But it was also such a gift in rediscovering the people, few though they may be, who truly love me. Your time with your ex made you stronger, not weaker. Take whatever good you can from it and leave the rest behind. Life is an incredible adventure and you're still so young! Yours has only just begun. Like the song lyric says, "If you have the choice to sit it out or dance, DANCE"! Good luck to you and KEEP SMILING :smileyhappy:

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2011
In reply to: jaci992
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 10:31am

it is so true that a relationship does not make itself work!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
In reply to: jaci992
Thu, 02-09-2012 - 10:01am

Hello.So you're only 34 and you feel old?!Wow I just turned 37 today and I feel like I haven't changed in years!

I think the fact that you feeel old is the fact that you got married so YOUNG! You have so much life to live!

What you can do is join a Meetup group in your city.A friend of mine had told me about this years ago.I joined BUT I have yet to participate in it.Basically you get together with a group of people who have some sort of activity planned as a group.They are always sending me info on different plans for the month.They have oudoor activities,indoor, movies,sometimes going out to the clubs.I think it's something that you might enjoy.Maybe try to get your husband to go with you on one of the activities? It sounds like you love your husband but there's a disconnect going on and THAT needs to stop immediately because there are lots of temptations out there.Married couples should go out together and have fun not by themselves...

Please check out what I've said.I wish you the best of luck :)