Need Advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Need Advice!
10
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 9:20pm
I have not been on here in a while! I need your advice!!!! My boyfriend and myself have been dating for over 8 mos now and he has been asking me to marry him for a few months now. I told him yes but still i have not received any ring or nothing to show me that he is really a man of his word. I thought for sure that christmas he was going to actually propose but since he does not celebrate christmas, i figured that he would at least have gotten me something but he did not. Mind you he pays all the bills in the house, buys the food and takes care of me and my kids even though he does not live with me. We are both going to be 39 yrs old this year, he has no kids, wants kids from me but i don't know what the hold up is. He is a Psychologist and right now he is waiting for the state to reinstate him and he said that that is the reason why he does not want to get married right now. I'm wondering if i'm wrong in thinking that if he truly wants to marry me then i should have a ring by now...also my birthday is in two weeks...am i worrying for nothing????

Thanks for your input!!!

Suzanna

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2003
In reply to: suzanna2004
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 12:39am
If it is going to happen it will be when you least expect it!!! I hope he does! Don't push him! He will do it when it is right.

Keep us posted


Kristen

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
In reply to: suzanna2004
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 1:09pm
Yeah, you're right! I will keep you guys posted!! Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
In reply to: suzanna2004
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 8:39pm
Hey Suzanna...I said hello back at you down below but I think I got your name wrong down there--sorry:-P!

I can kind of relate to what you're saying...my bf & I have been together for 4 yrs, 3 of them living together. We're kind of unofficially engaged (ie, he's marrying me but he hasn't bought the ring yet). Everyone outside of our relationship thinks he's dragging his feet, making excuses, yada yada yada...but he & I communicate pretty well and we're both on the same page about why we're doing what we're doing, timetables, etc etc. In other words, I trust him and I'm right there with him in the plan-making of the future so I know it will happen when the time's right and I'm not worried about it.

It sounds like he's given you his answer, Suzanna. He'll be ready after the state reinstates him. I wouldn't try to second guess him or read his mind. I'd suggest just flat out telling him how you're feeling. You can tell him you understand he's waiting to be reinstated but that you're starting to feel anxious. Your feelings are okay and you have a right to them. But you should also let him on them because he can't read your mind.

But if he's asked you to marry him, then he probably does intend to marry you. You mentioned that you need to a ring to prove he's a man of his word. But think about his behaviors with you currently--does he show up when he says he will? Come through on the things he promises? It sounds like he's providing for you & your kids. That indicates stability and dependability. If the relationship is a secure, trusting one then I don't think you really need to have a ring on your finger to be engaged--that will come when he can financially afford it.

Just talk to him and see--hope it gets better!

Hugs,

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
In reply to: suzanna2004
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 11:06pm
Amy,

Hi, How are you??? First off you're right, i have sat down and spoke with him about the whole situation of the state reinstating him and also told him that we are wasting precious time because we are both getting old and time is flying by. He told me that he just wants everything in order before he takes on a wife and i understood him. He's a very dependable guy so far (remember that i have only known him for 8 mos), he has shown me that he is not going anywhere and he is willing to take on the responsibilities of having a ready made family. He told me that he told his sisters before i met them this past Thanksgiving that he was going to marry me and that he was in love with me. I love him with all my heart, just don't want anymore heartbreak had too many in my lifetime. He is also a Muslim and when we marry he will be marrying out of his religion but he has assured me that we can overcome any obstacle in our path as long as we do it together.

Thanks so much on your input and Good Luck with your situation also..Keep me informed as i will you..

Sending hugs,

suzanna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: suzanna2004
Fri, 01-30-2004 - 10:47am

At first I was going to tell you to get rid of this guy cuz it sounded like he was just leading you on...however, after subsequent posts, I figured out that this guy really knows what he's doing. He's organized and really wants it all to be right. Since he already knows you want to marry him, he will find that RIGHT moment! I wouldn't hold my breath, but I certainly wouldn't push him either!


Rebecca
Loving wife to David (3-2

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
In reply to: suzanna2004
Sat, 01-31-2004 - 4:28pm
Thanks for your input but you got something wrong about him, i never asked him to marry me he did and yes he has his act together please reread my message and then maybe you will see why i asked....regarding holding my breathe...i'm not he knows what he has and he is indeed a wonderful person and he loves me and my kids....but thanks again
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
In reply to: suzanna2004
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 11:19am
I personally think you should look into and read up on his religion. His religion is very strict. I think it would help him if you knew more. I wouldn't hold my breath though, it is very hard to go out of that religion. But who knows......

Just a passer by....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2004
In reply to: suzanna2004
Sun, 02-08-2004 - 1:37pm
It seems like there needs to be a little more comunication between the two of you. He sounds like he could be a really neat guy, but I agree at 39 it's time to make things happen. Talk to him, any life-(job) problems that are being considered for the marriage are still going to be present without tyeing the not. Good Luck!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
In reply to: suzanna2004
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 1:27am
We have been talking about his religion...he has friends who are married out of the religion and Muslim is just like any other religion, just they live what they preach...i know that we will work out fine but thank you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
In reply to: suzanna2004
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 1:29am
You are so right and i have spoken to him regarding that but he is hell bent on waiting to see what happens...i know that it will take patience on my end! I have spoken to him about everything that couples speak on and he told me that this is the way that he wants it, he does not want to take on a wife and not have the means to support her. Thanks!