Need a friend to listen

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2004
Need a friend to listen
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 1:13pm
Hello everyone,

I don't have any friends that could come over and circle around my living room and have that big pow wow like they do on Oprah. Would be nice. Hoping this will compensate and maybe I can make some new friends here. Let's start with me:

30 years old-outside the home professional

dating a man for 7 years (no engagement)

He's currently in Iraq for the 2nd time

No children...2 jack russells

Living in this state with no family around. My job usually takes me out of state for several months at a time so I have not made any social contacts here.

Addictions: Gambling... A lot of money and time wasted into this industry.

Currently studying for a huge exam that will change my career path.

Feelings: Lonely for companionship...missing my man dearly...missing someone to talk about everyday issues...desiring words of encouragement and a pat on the back...He'll be home (hopefully) beginning of April. Anxiety towards this test. Am I smart enough? A lot of intense studying and still seems like I'm not up to speed. Insecurity...why hasn't this man asked me to marry him? Am I pretty enough...Am I smart enough...Am I stupid for sticking around...Am I just not marriage frustration level has been high lately. Are there other women out there that do not have people that they can open up to without feeling vunerable to judgement. Are there other women out there that feel like they are on a roller coaster of highs and lows. Sometimes I wish I was an individual that had long term friendships from high school, college etc... My very bestfriend died when the month she was supposed to turn 27 years old. That was 3 years ago. She was great. Miss her. Anyway, please respond...I look forward to meeting new friends here and establishing a place where we can pow wow. I would love to listen to triumphs, wow, and whatevers. Talk with soon. Mel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 4:16pm
Hi Mel,

Sounds like you are a great but lonely girl. I will be happy to talk to you whenever and about whatever. Please feel free to email me through my profile link and we can get to know one another.

Take care,


"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." ~Gandhi

Avatar for gadonna36
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 7:06pm
You sound like a great person who is also very lonely like me. I see alot of myself in your post. I also don't have those great close girlfriendships. I would absolutely love to talk with you. You can reply to me at


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 8:14pm
Hi! This is a nice way to get to know people. :)


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 10:13am
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 11:10am
Hi Mel,

Welcome to ivillage!

i'm glad you posted.

i hope you feel welcomed.

i just wanted to say that as long as you're taking care of your basic needs- that is a great thing to be proud of.

also, i hope you are really wanting to end your gambling for good.

that takes a lot of counseling i imagine & perhaps be in a permanent support group- going to meetings. i've read some people take something to even out the ups/downs or addictions.

i'd meet w/ 3 doctors & get their advice & choose one to see for awhile to see if that helps things.

gambling seems really really scary & problematic to me.

i have never ever found it at all interesting. i wouldn't play cards for pennies - so i don't get it-- but when i hear the stories- my heart really goes out to those caught up in it & i understand how that could be.

don't try to fix everything just by your own willing it. professionals, taking medicine if that helps, group meetings..... those are great options to consider if you have a problem.

you could feel a lot better in a year if you take the steps to make a big difference! Just Do It (like Nike says!).

i've seen a couple close friends fix major issues in their lives through these efforts & it worked!

good luck! Kat
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 11:15am

Just wanted to add: that i know a lot of times going to a counselor seems like it is a waste of time & maybe it is (some of the time).

overall, getting help through all the different forms available is really the way to go.

i've seen it w/ 2 close friends- they had issues of stress & loss that were overwhelming. taking a medicication & having a counselor fixed their issues- fully.

they were back to where they wanted to be- but not without the commitment & effort to go to someone for help.

also, i feel for you being lonely.

you're not alone in that issue- my DH works a demanding career & i've gotten that before.

maybe you can start taking a class every sat.

the exam- you're up to it- everyone else who's taking it is trying- so can you.

it's ok if you fail things - you can get back on the horse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2003
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 2:44pm

I read your post and thought to myself wow she's a lot like me....if you want to talk via email here's my email add:

I have been in my present relationship for almost a year now and had a previous relationship for 10years no marriage but have kids....i feel the same way you do..i wonder why i have the ups and downs too.,...have no friends am a loner. Right now not working and staying at home is driving me crazy, my boyfriends comes in on the wknds he works in another state not too far though. Welcome to the board!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 3:23pm
I read all the posts on this board and all these women and myself have such common similarities. It's erie that friendship is harder to find upon getting older. Why is that? I am a stay @ home mom of a 3y/o. I have frineds out of state from high school and from where I used to work. My best friend from high school went crazy on me when she found out I was pregnant. No longer in contact with her...I thought my best friend here was it and she was gonna be the one I played bingo with when i get old and grey but last week she made no attempt to help or console me as my father in law passed away and my husband was out of town and had been for 2 weeks already. I am more than hurt, my husband is very upset by this too. We should take a closer look here... why does it seem friendship gets so complicated as you get older. I could never talk news or politics with this girlfriend, that bothered me she knew nothing of current events. I watch the news she never does. Anywyas I could go on all day i am upset by her but it sounds like you are in need of a friend I would love to chat with you!I am on the computer alot in the evening(EST)as my hubby is out of town so I have email and MSN messenger the email address is good for both. Look forward to hearing from you!!!

TTFN emily.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 9:30pm
I can understand your situation. I'm going through the same thing; although I'm about to graduate from grad school in the Spring, the friends whom I'm closest are going to another city after the summer, so I need to find new friends. I had friends from high school and college, but it seems I'm outgrowing them, plus, they all live in different states as well. I like the city where I live now and don't feel the need to leave.

There are all kinds of insecurities that I have as well. I've had major school issues, plus I broke up with my bf of over three years last year and having a helluva time finding someone new (not that I'd go back to my ex - no way!). I'm also scared about my job prospects and passing the bar exam this summer (lots of fun). Just seems that I'm going through my struggles alone, and it sucks. Anyway, if you'd like to talk, email me at

Take care!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 1:45am
Hey Mel,

I am Robin-39 years old with two kids. I have a very good friend whose husband is in the navy, so I can kind of relate to your situation. Just LMK if you ever need to talk.