Need some advise Younger boyfriend!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2004
Need some advise Younger boyfriend!
Fri, 01-23-2004 - 3:17pm
I'm 32 and i'll be 33 in march he is 20 and will be 21 in feb....

I'm a single mother of a 5 year old...

He lives at home with mom and has a brother and a sister that actually are like his children...his mom is never home cause she's out with boyfriends since they were little and he does the grocery shopping and someother stuff....i guess this is why he dislikes his mother so much because she was never a mother to them, that's what he told me...the maid took care of you know what i mean.

I have a job and now i just moved in with my mother not for a long time just so i get back on my feet .

We really get along great and enjoy being together.... we haven't had sex....but we plan to. I guess we wanna make it special...

He says he loves me and he doesn't care about the age difference, he loves everything about me, he's told me he loves me with my lines around my eyes...if i gain weight...etc.....and loves my daughter too.

He told me also that he loves the way i treat my daughter and the way i care for her....he said he need a woman in his life...not a mother...he's even asked me if i would one day marry him....

He told his family and friends about me except his mother and they are all fine with me.

What scares me is that he is still in school and he does not have a job...but that can be fixed right?

What do i do.....everybody tells me i'm stupid for going out with a younger guy.....

i need some advise....

Thank you so much

M and M
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2004
Fri, 01-23-2004 - 5:20pm

I'm new here, but I have a very similar situation that I was just about to post a new message about. Of course, I'm gonna say if you care about him, then definitely build on the relationship. Don't let the naysayers kill what you guys feel for each other. I would advise you guys to take you time, though. With the sex and everything. Does he not have a job because his school schedule doesn't permit or is he choosing not to work? I don't think that is totally a bad thing since he's in school. But I will say that nowadays, even a lot of students his age are holding down a full load as well as a p/t job. I would definitely give the relationship time to reveal exactly what his work ethics are like. (That will have everything to do with how well - and IF - he can provide for you and your precious little one.) Having the best job or career in the world is not everything, but a man's work ethics are extremely critical in a relationship. Other than that, just keep being there for each other and loving each other. It CAN and WILL work out if it's meant to be.

My best to you both,


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Fri, 01-23-2004 - 8:06pm
Hi M and M

I just posted a response to drummergirl's post which, as she just indicated, is incredibly similar to yours. Maybe my response to her may give you another perspective on this situation.

I don't think the age issue is what determines whether a relationship works or not; but rather, where the two of you are in your lives. I'm also worried about the fact that his mother does not know about you. I was in a relationship for several years, in which not only my mother, but also my father and brother disproved of the guy. It does put a strain on things and sometimes their concerns can be valid.

Anyway, good luck.