Is this normal guy behaviour???

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2002
Is this normal guy behaviour???
Tue, 10-21-2003 - 12:34am
Hi everyone!

I hope all of you are fine and enjoying October -- can't believe it's already the end of the month and that 2004 will soon be here!

Sorry I've been off the boards lately but I've been all over the place, both literally and figuratively . For those of you who don't know me (welcome, newbies!) I am Sapna aka sap198, the girl who's lived in many countries and I was in Asia for the last 1.5 years and came back here in August. I was in Chicago until late-August and now I'm in Toronto while I wait for some teacher competency test results and prepare for the next step i.e. teacher education courses/jobs in the USA. Hope to make it back here soon.

Now I have a guy question for you all: I've been talking to this guy who lives in Philadelphia for 2 months (since I went to Chicago) and he sounds good so far. 2 weeks ago, we talked about defining it as a relationship i.e. moving from just getting to know each other to being in a relationship. I brought up the subject, but he said he was thinking the exact same thing but didn't want to put any pressure on me, since things have been hectic and up in the air these last couple of months, plus my uncle in Maryland recently passed away (suddenly; he was in good health all along, so it was a huge shock for me and the rest of my family). Anyway, he sounded nice and understanding and willing to step things up a notch. We talked again the next day (I called again; he had been calling a lot when I was in Chicago at my uncle's place). Then two days later, he called and my sister answered. He sounded anxious because he was suddenly confronted with a family crisis of his own i.e. his sister's FIL slipped in the bathroom after his shower, hit his head on the sink, lost an eye and lost consciousness. But he was nice enough to call anyway and explain the situation. I called him the next day to express concern about his situation and he sounded appreciative. But after that i.e. this past week, I did not hear one word from him -- I left two voice mail messages -- last Tuesday and today, and e-mailed him last Thursday, and no answer. I expressed concern and sympathy for what he and his family would be going through in all these messages. Not a reply. I understand that he has a lot to deal with right now, plus he has a busy job where he's constantly on the road. But what happened to common courtesy i.e. it only takes a few minutes to say, "I got your messages, sorry I've been too preoccupied to reply but I really appreciate your concern and will talk to you more when things calm down a bit." My question is: is this normal guy behaviour? Sorry if I sound naive, but I have never been in a relationship before, as some of you know. This is the first time I liked a guy and it went beyond the initial phone call/e-mail or two -- I really like this guy and don't want to lose him, if it's meant to be. Although it's been only 2 months and we haven't met in real life yet, he sounds like a nice person and we seem to have a lot in common and a good rapport even it is only online and on the phone right now. I'm feeling bad because just when I thought my love life was finally waking up, I might have to be disappointed yet again (and his lack of response is contrary to the interest he expressed all along -- he is supposedly on my wavelength here i.e. looking for a serious, marriage-minded relationship). Any insight, girls? (or guys?)

Thanks and have a great night!

Sapna aka sap198

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Tue, 11-04-2003 - 11:39pm
Some important factors to contemplate: you've communicated only via methods that are easy to be dishonest by, you've never met in person, you've probably told him that you've never been in a relationship before, and it's only been two months. My advice - don't get your hopes up and put all your eggs in this basket. It's not a "guy thing," it's a situation where a person knows that they've got you hooked pretty easily given your apparent naivete. Tread very carefully and with your eyes completely open.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 1:27pm

This is kind of an old message. What happend with your situation?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2002
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 6:05pm
Thanks for your insights, unity30 and happyseagirl. I'm no longer waiting to hear from this guy. I guess he wasn't committed after all, or not even for real. Maybe my being in Toronto now scared him away. Maybe he just talked the talk about commitment i.e. defining it as a relationship (but he seemed to prefer that I go see him, whereas I would have preferred that he come and see me in Toronto. He said he wouldn't have time until a couple of months from now). It could be any of these reasons. Ah well, life goes on, I guess. I'm now looking actively for someone else.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-06-2003 - 3:03am

Hey Sapna, how are you..?


       Email me! @ werlecar@