Not Sure He's Getting His Point Across?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Not Sure He's Getting His Point Across?!
8
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 12:57pm

Many of you know of the drama D's DD17 caused a few months ago, but I will do a quick recap for those of you how are new or haven't been around as much as you'd like:


DD17 was caught sneaking out of the house with a 23 year old man.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 2:56pm

Other girls having kids at 15 or even 17, scared the boots off me. I was not ready for a kid or what it would mean to the future.

I thought about having to make a decision about termination, & didn't want to have it come to that.

Or how would any guy want to date me, if I've got a kid & can't go out.

How disappointed the family would be, to not go to college or get a job.

But I was never in much of a rush. I had friends rushing ahead & trying to be all adult NOW. And that just wasn't for me. I'm more of a wait & see person.

~~~

Reading these boards, it seems very important to take the pills at the same time of day. Or they could likely fail & she might as well not even bother.

~~~

Good luck! that's a handful

Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 3:31pm
Thanks!!
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 6:29pm
well i don't think i'll be much help here. my mom and i grew up together and she didn't want the same thing happen to me that happened to her. she told me to let her know when i was ready so she could take me to the dr....i had a bf at the time, we actually dated for 3 years. of course there was way more to the conversation and when the time came i also had to tell my dad - omg that was the hardest part!!
anyway, looking back - i'm glad i was on the pill. i understood it was not a license to just have sex but if i hadn't talked to my mom when i had, there's a good chance i would have a grown child right now.
now i know that pregnancy is definitely not the only thing to worry about. i know it must be very difficult for D to talk to DD17 but it's really something that needs to be done. i don't think teens understand just how easy it is to get an STD.
i really don't envy anyone going through this with their teens.
good luck to D and i hope DD17 truly understands what she may be getting herself in to! hugs....








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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 8:46pm

Thanks Veronica,


I'm getting the impression that DD17 thinks she worked this one enough and Dad gave in.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 2:02am

yes, that is a high percentage and most kids think it won't happen to them. it's so sad and i think the percentage will only continue to grow.

what's worse is i bet the percentage might be higher....i think there are many out there embarrassed/scared to tell their parents or go to the doctor regarding symptoms. what makes it REALLY scary is that if some aren't taken care of quickly it can lead to something more serious such as infertility.

so scary!!
hopefully DD17 is being smart about it.









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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2005
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 3:55am

Honestly, I think she sounds like a pretty normal 17 year old to me. I think it's pretty normal to become sexually active around that age. I absolutely wouldn't allow her to date a 23 year old and think a harsh punishment for sneaking out of the house to meet him was warranted. But as for the birth control ... at least she's trying to take precautions. I wouldn't punish her too much (if at all) for telling you guys that she wasn't having sex with her current boyfriend ... what 17 year old just comes out and tells their parents that?! I certainly didn't!! I think that's very normal. And I'm fairly certain doctor/patient confidentiality applies even with underage patients. Even if it doesn't, the doctor is certainly not obligated to tell her father anything. And I think that's as it should be.

As for her being responsible ... yeah, I agree that getting through can be difficult. Hopefully the doctor talked to her about it, but you can't force her to understand. If she were my daughter, I'd probably make sure she was getting depo shots rather than just the pill since it's much more fail-proof (unlike the pill where she might forget to take them). And make sure she had access to condoms. I'd let her know you were available to talk to. And you might have a unique position as someone she actually might be able to talk to about this since you aren't actually a parent!! But only if you keep an open mind and somehow get through to her that you are on her side.

When you talk about her, you seem pretty exasperated and fed up. I'm not saying you don't have reason to be, but with that kind of attitude toward her, she's just going to resent you as another "parental figure," but one who doesn't have the history with her as her real parents do. If you try to let her know that you were a teen once too and try to understand where she's coming from more, she might listen more to what you have to say and after a while, maybe even confide in you. It might be less embarrassing to talk to you than her dad!

I also get the feeling from your posts that you think this is abnormal or "bad" behavior. I think all of this seems extremely normal to me. And while I wouldn't have been okay with my 17 year old daughter dating a 23 year old, I'd be happy when she started dating someone closer to her in age. And I think 17 is a pretty normal and healthy time to become sexually active ... so I'm not sure what you're so upset about! Personally, I was 18 and had just (like a couple nights before) graduated from high school. I'd say about 50-60% of my friends started having sex around 16 or 17. My sister had sex for the first time at 17. All of us were pretty responsible about it. And aside from getting pills from her friend (which I don't know that I would blame her for -- telling your parents about something like this would be really awkward, though I don't know why she didn't just go to planned parenthood like all my friends did at that age), it sounds like she's being fairly responsible about it all.

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SDFX
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 9:05am

i wasnt joking when i said i come from the school of hard knocks..

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 12:41pm

Hi Everyone,


Thanks for your opinions!!