returning topic: going back to college

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2006
returning topic: going back to college
Thu, 08-13-2009 - 4:53pm

Hey gals.

I'm at home today because I woke up to a headache and was deeply tired. I probably gave myself a headache because of the topic I'm about to tell you. I've asked this before in the past and I bring it up again because it's back in my life once again...

Last year, I applied for a Master's program and was accepted. I turned the program down, though, because I felt the program really wasn't to my liking -- it wasn't 100% perfect.

Lately, I've been really anxious about things. For those who remember my posts, I'm the one who's currently working out of title and have been pushing for a promotion where I work. Nothing's come about it yet and it's making me upset.

I've graduated from college about 2 years ago and I'm still stuck pushing paper. I wanna do what I studied/majored. I know now's a bad time to begin looking, but if I wait too long, I might now get hired at all because they'll begin to question why it took me this long to get a position in my field when I graduated x amount of years ago!

So, I'm beginning to become unhappy at work, but I put on a happy face and try not to let it get to me that I'm working out of title and may never get that promotion.

I'm looking for work here and there to see, by chance, if there's a position that suits my qualifications (I majored in graphics/web designing, btw).

I've also begun looking at colleges once again to possibly get my Master's. I took a look the other day at the college I turned down last year and it appears that they've improved it somewhat. I called up the department and the girl answered my questions and it seems like I really should take this program and give it a try.

She told me to make sure I attended the open house and speak with the Dean to make sure the program is for me. Of course, I put my name down right away.

So, I tell him last night that I may want to go to this college for my Master's. He's not happy about it, but he is encouraging me to continue my studies. I ask him what happens to "us" and he told me that we should see how it goes -- to go "with the flow" of things.

Now, we both have had this discussion before and he's told me in the past that he's the type of person who needs a lot of attention (he's a very spoiled man! lol) and he knows that I won't be spending that much time with him once I've begun my studies. Therefore, he would suggest that we just become "friends".

I referred that back to him and he said it's true. He's encouraging me to go back to school because he knows that it's what I really want and he knows he'll never hear the end of it if we ever "commit" to one another. He also wants me to take the program now instead of waiting later because of my age.

Now, he's got plans himself to go back to college. He recently took his MCAT and won't know the results of it until next month. If he gets accepted (and I'm hoping and praying he won't!), he's gonna end our relationship. But, if he doesn't get in, he's just gonna take some night courses.

I really do not want to lose the relationship if I choose to go back to college and I told him that. He said that I need to learn to make sacrifices in life.

I'm also worried about taking risks, though. If I do go back to college, I'm not guaranteed once I graduate to be employed in a company of the field I chose to major. If that happens, I'll be back to square one -- pushing paper! I'll be forever a secretary!! :(

He tells me there are other ways of advancing myself instead of returning to college. But, I've been raised to think like that: earning a higher degree = advancement.

And he's not liking the idea of me taking out a loan to pay for college, if I choose to return. Which is why he doesn't want us to live together any time soon because we don't seem to have our finances together. He absolutely does not believe in taking out loans.

So, I'm looking for any/some piece of advice to help me out. Would you go back for your Master's and sacrifice your relationship for that degree? What would you do or rather, how would you feel if once you graduated with your Master's, you didn't move onto another job and you're left working for the same company you've been with for what seems like forever and doing mind-numbing work?

Also, any advice as to how to afford the program and how to balance studying and having a relationship, etc. would greatly be appreciated.

Thanks in advance and so really sorry this is so long.

Now you can see why I have a headache today! lol. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Thu, 08-13-2009 - 9:01pm
Why does your man say
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2007
Fri, 08-14-2009 - 12:03pm

'...Would you go back for your Master's and sacrifice your relationship for that degree? What would you do or rather, how would you feel if once you graduated with your Master's, you didn't move onto another job and you're left working for the same company you've been with for what seems like forever and doing mind-numbing work?'

Absolutely not to first question. Wouldn't mind one way or another, work's just a waste of life to pay the bills imho- to second.

We are completely different as far as attitude to work and education. I never cared about either and never will, one doesn't change much at our grand old age of almost 40. I've pushed paper to pay bills all my life; work's never had any meaning for me. Whilst I don't claim to know with 100% certaintly what life really is all about, I am 100% convinced it isn't about work. But of course you are entitled to your own views, what's important to you is what you have to pursue

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2006
Fri, 08-14-2009 - 7:20pm

Here is the story with him:

He wants to go to medical school, but has absolutely no way of paying for it. He's definitely not considering taking out any loans (he has an outstanding loan already from his previous attempt at grad school). So, if he is to get accepted into medical school, he is planning to enlist in the armed services because they are willing to pay for the schooling in exchange for 3-4 years of his time. And, I do laugh at that thought sometimes because he is definitely not military material at all!

Anyway, if he takes the military's offer, most probably, he'll be shipped out to goodness knows whatever country. That's why he's said that he won't continue with our relationship...because he'll be in another country for a good amount of years and he doesn't think it's fair that he can't see me, but only maybe what, a couple of times a year. I've told him I would probably wait for him, but he doesn't want me to do that.

In a way, I see his view -- I think what he's trying to say is that it's not fair to the BOTH OF US if we can't see each other often enough because that's not a relationship. And I guess he can't handle a long distance relationship (I could, though, because I used to be in one).

I've told him in the past that he could do his schooling overseas or whatever and in the meantime, I could do my schooling. But, he also has a problem with that. I can't remember what his reasoning was back then, but I think he's afraid that while he's gone, I'll be secretly doing things behind his back. Again, he's probably not used to an LDR.

Yes, I am still confused about our "relationship" or whatever we are calling it. During the last 6 months that he has been concentrating on studying for the MCAT, we've pushed away from discussing "relationship" stuff until AFTER the exam was over. Well, it's been over for about 2 weeks now and we really haven't discussed about it/them. I just recently brought up about the returning to college thing and I'm sort of glad I did because it broke the silence.

He's not perfect. I know he's got "issues" -- we all do. But, he treats me very well -- he's respectful, has decent morals and values -- unlike these other men out there in the world. I figure, if he treats me like a princess then, I should be flexible about his issues.

Argh, this is just so complicated!

Furthering our careers and our "relationship" are two separate things. I do not want to combine them, but for some reason, it seems like they're together.

I do not want to make this post into a novel, so I'm ending it here. This is him and this is what I have to say about our "relationship".