Sex, Money and Age
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|Mon, 12-08-2003 - 10:33pm|
This is my first time using IVillage so here it goes. I did not sleep with anyone before I was married. Now my husband and I have been completely separate for a year and a half and I am sleeping with another man. Not only that, but he is 50 and I am 30. The age difference doesn't matter. In fact, I like it. He makes a great deal of money, almost as much as my former. Although he is cheap, he does spend some on me. Our favorite thing to do is to go shopping and he buys me the most expensive clothes. (My former never even spent any money on clothes.) He says that I look good in clothes.
I am a sexy dark blond. I guess I could get any guy I wanted, and I am young enough to do it. My husband has not given me a penny and I may never see anything (It's a long story). I am in difficult times here and the poverty is killing me. I feel like I am going through a very shallow stage in life. I really do love him and the money could be a part of that attraction, but only a small part (although it is a requirement at this stage in my life).
We are both very religious and we are having a difficult time with everything. First of all, we are two different denominations. Secondly, we both don't believe in sex before marriage. A friend of the family said that I should marry him. I think I would like to do that. I am trying to get my divorce finalized but it is taking time. It may take years the way things are going.
We talk about marriage, but I can tell in him that he is afraid of marriage. He even states that sometimes.
When I say "I love you" he says nothing or "love you." He said that it is too early for me to say that. We have been dating since July and sleeping together for a couple months. Actually, I guess we have only been dating for about two months (and a week).
It is difficult not sleeping with each other since we did it that one time. I have never had such great sex in my life, and I can tell he is holding back. (Although according to him he comes quickly and I can't figure out why.)
We keep trying to stop having sex and we just can't. We keep saying that we wish we would have waited, to have a friendship, then a romance, and then the sex. I don't mind the sex(!) but I do miss the romance. But then he is buying me clothes and stuff (things that turns him on) and now he want to buy a house so I can move out of my parents house. He has given me a small loan and my even help me get a real car. Come on -- this is romance. Right?
He is the first guy that I have dated that doesn't boss me around. And he is a boss at his work. Sometimes he does boss a little, but when he is paying for it I don't care. It is so refreshing to have someone listen to me and not tell me how to do things. He doesn't direct my future. He offers me great creative ideas (work, school) of what to do now that my husband has totally abused me.
This guy is great. I mean great. All the women are after him. All the guys are after me. It's fun going out with him. Sometimes I feel a bit smothered but I think I am smothering him even more.
Am I using him for sex and money? Should I be spending time with someone so old? My friend said that I should not be with someone so old because when I'm 50 he will be 70. If he had more money (to spend on me, not his grown kids) I won't think twice about taking care of him in his old age. I like older guys.
So ladies out there in the same situation, what did you do/do you do? Should I stay with him? If I leave him, how do I find someone else? We are looking for a counselor right now to help us out, so that should help. We just don't have anyone to talk to right now, since if anyone found out if would ruin both of our lives socially and professionally, and would hurt my legal issues.
Guys, what would you do if you were him? He states that he has never been so turned on in his life. I do believe this. Will it last? Am I "giving up my youth?" like my mother says?
He said today that some people have sex but don't ever want to get married. I have never heard of this before. Then he states that he feels like a hypocrite to his children and want to go back as friends. I don't know if we can do that. I mean, I guess I can, but I don't want to. He sometimes states that the relationship can stay the same. I told him let's wait until counseling until having sex again. Am I reading too much into this casual statement?