Sticky situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sticky situation
7
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 4:25pm

A friend of mine sits next to a co-worker/friend at work who is going through a MAJOR soap opera in her personal life. To make the story short and sweet, she is married to a very sweet man, but was fooling around with another one of our co-workers. His wife found out, hired a PI and now they're busted. Well, since I sit next to this woman, my friend has

Rebecca
Loving wife to David (3-2

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 5:10pm
Hi Rebecca,

I'm all about assertive communication so I think your friend should tell the woman to stop. Not in a mean way-that'd be aggressive, not assertive. But just in a gentle way... "I don't know if you know this or not, but I can overhear the phone calls you're making while we're at work. It sounds like you're going through a really emotional time right now and I know how hard that is. But I do need to ask you if you think you could limit the calls--I'm starting to have a really hard time concentrating on my work and I've got several big deadlines to meet." Something like that. Your friend could even offer to go out to lunch with the woman and listen to her--but she'll need to be firm on how many times she'll do that...emotionally challenged people are real draining, I've learned:-).

She could wait until the coworker moves, but the resentment is just going to build and build. And if the boss isn't going to do anything, and your friend is just at the seething point, then she really needs to say something. The woman may or may not listen and she may or may not get angry (most people don't respond to assertiveness well--they don't have boundaries and don't respect others'). And if that happens, then she needs to get firmer--as in, "I've already told you I understand what a hard time you're having but I've also let you know that this is affecting my work. That is not acceptable to me. If you continue to make these personal phone calls that are invasive and negatively affect my working environment, then I won't have any choice but to speak to upper level management about this."

I'm not sure what else to tell you...but that's how I'd handle that situation.

~Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 3:08pm

Amy,


I like your idea and I've told my friend...she's going to approach it this way next week! Thank you!

*Rebecca*

Rebecca
Loving wife to David (3-2

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 1:36pm
I agree with Amy here.

I can't believe this woman doesn't realize that others can hear her air her dirty laundry; I think your friend should say something to her. She doesn't have to be rude or anything. Like Amy said, she should acknowledge the woman is going through a tough time, then let her know that the phone calls are really becoming quite bothersome.

I envy you working at home Rebecca! I work in a cubicle environment, and I feel like nothing that gets said around here is sacred!

Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 3:23am

Too bad we don't live in "Perfect"

CL-Caroline_01

       Email me! @ werlecar@

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 7:45pm
If I were you and your friend, I would just stay out of it. The business has nothing to do with either of you. Soap Opera, yes, but your friend can just be honest and say "I'm sorry that your having a hard time. I feel, though, that talking about personal things at work is uncomfortable and I need to get this work done. Perhaps you should get some counselling to help you sort things out." Then she should just let the whole thing be. Since the woman is being transferred, the issue will no longer be a problem in a short while.

Mozart.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2003
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 11:16pm
This is a perfect example of why you don't get involved with someone you work with. If you are that dumb to chit chat about your personal life and when you know the fling is just an affair then you deserve what you get when you get busted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2003
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 11:19pm
People Nowadays like to air their dirty laudry in public, I don't understand it but they do. This is one time when I'm glad at my work we are not allowed to have personal phones calls. If it were me I'd tell her to knock off the calls or the two of us will have a meeting with the boss.