update on dating divorced single dad...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
update on dating divorced single dad...
13
Wed, 06-24-2009 - 7:05pm

Hi Gals!

So me and the single dad are still creeping along slowly.
Quick recap of the last month as you guys may already know: he had his kids for 3 weeks while his ex was away; ex returned, kids were really sick and she kept taking them to daycare rather than taking them to the doctor. (she's bipolar and won't take medication). They had drama/arguments with that so he had kept the kids while they got better, then last week him and the kids went to visit his family in Austin for vacation. While he was on vacation with his family and boys in Austin, he sent me messages and checked in with me...which was nice since I talked to him about his bad communication skills before he left. :) It was a much needed vacation for him as also during the time he got a big promotion at work. So when he's not with his kids or me, he's working his butt off and is just exhausted. I can see how tired he is every time I see him.

Anyhoo he's back from vacation after having a nice time with family and has been in touch with me. He told me again how this week has already been crazy and he is just exhausted.

Do you guys have any nice suggestions of something simple I could say or do to convey that I am here for him while he's going through such an exhausting time? He doesn't really take care of himself because he's so focused on working hard and (as he should be) on taking proper care of his kids and providing a home for them.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Wed, 06-24-2009 - 7:57pm

Simply say something like: "I know things are crazy for you right now and if you need anything at all, don't hesitate to let me know."

There's nothing better than getting straight to the point without coming across as over-bearing.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Wed, 06-24-2009 - 8:07pm
That is perfect. Well said! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2007
Mon, 06-29-2009 - 10:27pm

As a single divorced dad who is always exhausted himself, I am touched by what you said. I wish I could find a woman like you.


For me, part of the "dream girlfriend" is to have some low energy dates where you can spend time together but not have to run all over town or feel pressured to be the entertainer. It's great to be able to just watch a DVD together or something like that at home every once in awhile (not all the time, but sometimes). Maybe throw in a little backrub while he watches the movie, he'll appreciate that more than you would possibly imagine.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Wed, 07-01-2009 - 2:22pm

Wow thank you for offering a single dad response! I appreciate it.

I have been struggling the last few weeks trying to because of schedules, exhaustion, his responsibilities, AND not to mention a bi-polar, very manipulative, mean ex-wife, determine if he is really interested in me. We don't talk all time and it bugs me.I'm trying to being really patient and flexible and not let my mind wander - as you know girls minds do!

He came over last Friday for us to go to dinner and a movie. It ended up that both of us and my neighbor (who is single mom and a good friend of mine that he met at my place a few weeks ago) ended up sitting outside in the backyard (we have a huge community backyard), drinking wine, talking, watching the kids play. We talked about raising children, life - everything in general. It was very fun. We ended up making a homemade pizza at the house and just hung out. The next day he stayed with me all day laying in the backyard in the sun. It was a really great time. Or at least I had fun! Ha, ha! :) So not really sure what to do from here. I think I will just back off and let him take care of his children (as he should) and and focus on responsibilities.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Tue, 07-07-2009 - 12:48pm

Hi JJ12321,


Welcome to the board!!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Wed, 07-08-2009 - 6:04pm

Hi Gals!

Well since the last post I made about the wonderful weekend I spent with the single father, it has been over a week and a half (including the July 4th holiday) and no word from him. Not even a "have a happy 4th of July" message.

I wanted to thank you guys for giving me input and insight over these last few weeks with all the questions I have asked you. I think it has truly been spelled out for me now. I feel silly that I put so much energy, thought and effort into this situation.

Thanks again for all of your input.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Wed, 07-08-2009 - 7:03pm

You shouldn't feel silly!!!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Thu, 07-09-2009 - 1:36pm

Well I have a question that I think you would be best to answer since you have more experience than me dating a divorced single father.

Many times I'm not quite sure how to act because it is a different than dating a single, never-been married, childless man...not sure what to apply since circumstances are different. One the one had I have girlfriends telling me "make him chase you"; "make him do this and that". (by the way they have not dated a single divorced father before). On the other I read things about being patient and flexible with a single divorced father. And since this is my first experience like this my first reaction is to respond as I would to a single-never-been-married, childless man.

I am a concerned about him since last we spoke and he expressed all the things he has been going through with his crazy ex; the worries he has about his kids, his stress level, dealing with her and how his demanding work schedule is affecting them. I want to give him space and time to focus on what he needs to focus on in regards to them. However, I still care for him. Should I reach out to him in another week or so to see what is happening with him? Did you encounter any of this or was it smooth sailing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Thu, 07-09-2009 - 1:54pm

I think you have to find a balance.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Thu, 07-09-2009 - 2:31pm

Yes it is hard to find a balance for sure.

But I agree I really feel in this day and age no matter how busy, there really is no reason to have absolutely no communication with me. It's not like we went on 3 dates...I have been dating him since March. If he can find time to post stupid articles on Facebook he can send me a message. I've been compassionate and understanding but I think enough is enough. Common courtesy doesn't need to fly out of the window.

Thanks!

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