update: my life in a current misery

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2009
update: my life in a current misery
Sun, 02-28-2010 - 12:28pm

Argh....I just got through going through ALL of my matches on Y! P (yes, all 586 of them!) and not ONE interested me enough to write to or even save their profile!

I had a conversation over the phone with one guy yesterday and I honestly don't think he's going to call me back. That's ok, though, because I feel the same way -- that there probably wasn't any "connection". After the phone call, I was saying to myself, "I want my old bf back!!!"

I am still in contact with the old bf. We're considered "friends". I know he's probably moved on, but I'm still "attached" to him. :(

I guess I have moved on a bit. I've made the decision to follow my graduate dreams - finally! - and am in the process of studying for the GRE. My old bf wouldn't have wanted me to go because of the student loan problem. I am worried about having to take out a loan too, but I guess I am a risk taker when it comes down to education.

I am just too exhausted and I guess despondent. My other ex was telling me that I shouldn't make this dating thing my career and I'm trying not to, but it's just sucks sometimes not having someone to call and talk about stuff with or not having someone to go see a movie with or take a long walk and talk about your dreams and passions with, you know?

Sigh........just venting and rambling, I guess. Thank you for hearing me out.

Btw, I am formerly cunygrad2007, if you gals remember me! I decided to change my member name because I was getting bored with it. So along with this post being a vent and rambling, I guess it's a current update on myself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 12:10pm

Of course I remember you!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2009
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 6:48pm

Thanks, Kristie! I knew I would get a response from you. You're a life saver with the advice!

I think I'll just take it slowly. If I don't find a good profile to save or write to, no big whoops. I'll try to wait a while and search again. I guess what I was doing was finding me a match quick because my ex seemed to have found himself a date that Sunday.

Sorry, I'm beginning to ramble again......

I'm just upset. Sigh......

Kristie, is Veronica (I think that's her name?) still on this board? I remember she and I were in the same boat together. I'm wondering how she's doing and how she got through the dark hole and finally saw the light. Because I will tell you, I feel like heck and no matter how much my other ex tells me that I will not die tomorrow if I don't have a bf, I feel like I want to. :( Ok, I gotta stop this because I am tearing up now.......

Sorry again.....I am such a wimp. I should be a stronger woman than this.

I will get through this. I know I have to enact the "No Contact" rule, but I still need to keep in contact with him. He's helping me with the math part of the GRE studying. He's promised me that he would visit me to help me study for the exam. I do not know if after the exam's over, if I will or should put the NC rule in place. I'm thinking I will probably lessen my contact with him.

Ok, so I am rambling on and on again. I'm gonna stop my blubbering and try to focus on myself and my goals in life. We did share some good times, but I must focus on the bad because this relationship wasn't healthy and I need to realize that he just wasn't the one for me. As my other ex explains to me, I was trying to fit a circle into a square hole.