What the heck did he mean?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2004
What the heck did he mean?
7
Sun, 02-08-2004 - 7:56pm
I have a bad feeling about something the man I am seeing said to me last night and I want to get some feelings from other women.

Just to bring everyone up to speed, I have been seeing this guy for a couple of months, who is in the process of getting a divorce. At this point, there are only a few people who know about he and I, mainly because he works for my father and the divorce thing is looming about. It is my choice to keep it on the hush, hush for a while. I might want to add he knows seeing me may only get him fired, not promoted. (Pops has a bad tempter)

Anyway, he said something to me last night that really kind of bothered me. He said that he wanted to continue seeing me until it "wasn't fun anymore."

What the **** is that all about? I asked him what he meant by that comment and he just kind of blew it off like it was no big deal. I was pissed the rest of the night.

Prior to this comment, he said something about "liking to live life on the edge with me." Is it because I am the boss' daughter? Or maybe the fact that he is still legally married?

This also comes about two weeks after he said he really wanted to get a little wilder in the bedroom. We have gotten a little wilder, but I am now wondering if that is the only thing he wants.

Have I let myself get into this by not telling people that he and I are in a relationship? My little mind is blown.

Here is the kicker, I feel like I am beginning to have real emotional feelings for this guy and something like this comes out! I am pissed and hurt.

Should I tell him to make himself a little clearer, or hit the road?

Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Sun, 02-08-2004 - 10:47pm
Hit the road.

I'm sorry, the way you quoted what he said tells me that he is with you for his own selfish pleasure or gratification. Once he's "done" with the fun or the thrill of the secrecy that you both share wears out for him, it seems that he could easily and indifferently detach from you and move on....who knows....posibbly doing it with another woman to recapture the feelings or ego-gratification or whatever that he is getting from you.

That sounds harsh to say and difficult to hear, now that you are admitting that you are growing emotionally attached to him. He has a lot going on in his life. I would think that a divorce takes a tall on someone's self esteem (man or woman), and being with you compensates for whatever inadequacy he might be feeling about himself - whether it's obvious or not.

You can only guess what he means, but to me, what he's doing is a no-commitment pleasure-seeking. I don't even know if he is in a state of mind to be a caring and committed person to anyone, when everything else around him seem so tenuous. And because you are willing to be with him in whatever arrangement you have with one another, as long as *he* is satisfied/gratified, why would he let that go?

He is STILL legally married. He makes his choices in life through his behavior. The question is, will you accept and tolerate it....not so much for his sake but for *yours?*

You have choices to make as well, owning whatever consequences they may be.

Let him go before you get more emotionally involved. He is not worth it.


Edited 2/8/2004 10:50:07 PM ET by carmelsf

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 9:35am

"Hit the road, Jack!"


This guy was using you! Get out...and fast!


It's apparent that his "fun" is now over since he's getting a divorce. He wanted the mistress on the side and YOU were it. Sorry to tell you! I'm sure you knew that in some part of your heart.


This guy is trouble and will continue to use you if you stick around. Tell him "Bye bye!"

*Rebecca*

Rebecca
Loving wife to David (3-2

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2003
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 11:36am
Well, I think you already know what you need to do. Get rid of the looser!

He's doing it mainly just for the kicks. So give him a good kick! to the curb!

The longer you wait, the harder it's gonna be. You've already said that you're starting to get emotional feelings for him, the only one that's gonna be hurting is you. You're just doing it to yourself if you keep hanging on. But you're gonna need to stand your ground and be FIRM about it. Remember - everyone goes thru hardships, but it's YOUR CHOICE whether or not you suffer!

You're better than that, you're worth more than that, and you deserve better than that! Move on, girl! You've got a lot going for you and you don't need that kind of emotional baggage weighing you down....

good luck!

Lady o'fyre
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 1:35am
You guys need to sit down and talk..you need to find out where you stand...are you his rebound??? Because if it is then there will be no future(i could be wrong). I am so sorry that you are feeling the way that you are. I only hope that you guys straightened this out,just maybe he is thinking that you are just there for sex....i don't know i never dated a married man before and everyone that i know usually said that they never actually will leave their wives but i could be wrong...either way good luck!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2004
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 7:27pm
Talking might be the answer, but I don't know if I want to know truth. I think I am his rebound fling. He and is wife split about 6 months ago and we started seeing each other about two months ago, so that is also on my mind.

I, like those of you who responded, think it is about time to cut the strings and go on. If it was just for sex and a good time, his reaction will prove it once and for all.

I am getting really tired of the only thing we do being hanging out at my house and watching televison! I am a social butterfly and must make my rounds! Just getting tired of those moths who think they are butterflies buzzing around! LOL

Thanks for all of you help ladies! Any of you have any single brothers or cousins? I think I will be back on the market within the next few days! LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 7:58pm
Hi,

I think the best thing to do is to tell him to hit the road. It sounds to me like he's sees this as nothing more than a fling.

Besides, I'm afraid you may be playing with fire. He's still married and he works for your Dad. There's no telling how long this can be kept a secret.

I think you deserve better than this.

Good luck.

Rebecca

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2003
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 11:46pm
In my opinion what he meant was he is keeping you around until something better comes along. I know this guy doesn't want another relationship by what he is saying. He doesn't want the problems that might arise. He just wants to go out and get with as many women as he can another words sew his wild oats. This guy is gunna be like a wild animal let go in the middle of the city looking for the next victim. You can either ride it out with no strings attach or get out now, unless you are not that kind of person. (You could use him as a boodie call) I would ride it out, as long as there was something in it for me. I wouldn't take any crap from him.

I would only keep this guy around if it would benefit me. You must remember when you are dating a man that is getting divorce you have to ask yourself this question. "Do I really think he is going to see only me after being married for X amount of years"? Your answer should always be NO. Guys in this situation are only good for one thing SEX. As a woman I learned a long time ago to separate my feels when it comes to sex. Now, If I were in this situation and he said to me what was said to you, you better believe it I would have confronted him with his comment. I would have had it resolved that night. Don't be at this guys beck and call. Go out and date other people. When you are single you should not commit yourself to any one guy until you take it one step further. When I was single I had guys that I kept around that had different talents. The guys who work on your car and fix things around the house, the guy who can cooks, the party good time guy, the guys who got me into clubs for free, and the list goes on and on...If you see my point. Good luck with this guy.

Remember never wait around for any guy they are not worth it.