what's happening to my life?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2007
what's happening to my life?
10
Wed, 10-28-2009 - 10:33pm

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure what I really want out of this. I just need to talk to someone. I've been feeling so down lately. I'm 31 years old, and I'm not sure what's happening to my life. Everything just hit me all at once like a ton of bricks. First of all, my friendship with my best friend has ended. I was really hurt by it and cried for days. With that, it makes it really hard for me to trust other people and become their friends. In addition to that, I have just quit my job because I was miserable there. I was at that job for almost 5 years, and it wasn't something I wanted to do for the rest of my life, so after saving up enough money for those rainy days, I decided to quit my job and do something different with my career. And then I had to give up my cat because I'm living with my boyfriend and he's extremely allergic to my cat. We've been together for almost 5 years, we have been living together for 4 years with our one and only cat. We've tried our best to keep the cat, but it was getting too much. In addition to all this, I haven't really had much contact with my family. I have 5 other siblings, and they all living on their own. My parents who used to stay with my older sister had a huge fight with her and they both moved out and living with their friends. I feel like my whole family's falling apart. I've tried to stay in touch with them but sometimes it does feel so lonely when you don't really hear anything from anybody.

So all these broken relationships have really left me feeling very lonely and sad. In just a matter of months, I feel like I've lost my best friend, my job, my cat, and some of my family members. And in addition to that, I have let this affected my relationship with my other closed friends..after my friendship with my best friend ended, I feel like I can't trust anyone as my friend anymore. I'm deeply hurt inside..I don't know what to do about this pain. I feel really sad, I tell myself that sometimes friendships do end because as we get older, we all grow into different people, and it's ok, that i need to just put all this behind me and move on with my life. I tell myself to move on but I'm just wondering if what I'm going through is normal? I have never felt such big losses like this all at once in just a matter of months. Sometimes I want to talk to my boyfriend about it but I don't think he really understands. He just tells me that these things never happened to him before..he says he's still in touch with all his friends and recently we just went to one of his friends' wedding. I know I can always make new friends, but I'm usually the type of person that usually don't make alot of friends but with the few that I do have, I do intend to keep as friends for a lifetime..so that's why when my friendship with my best friend ended I was very hurt and ended up not trusting anybody. I guess I just need some time to get past all this...thanks for listening..

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
Thu, 10-29-2009 - 10:17am

this will be the same old boring story for most of the others who know my screen name and my story.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2007
Thu, 10-29-2009 - 2:38pm

hi.. thanks for writing. i really appreciate you sharing your story and help me understand that what's happened happened and we can't just sit here and dwell on the past. i do get it and someday i tell myself of how selfish i am that i'm sitting here dwelling over nothing, and of how many of the unfortunate people in this world that are in far worse situations and how their lives are full of sufferings far worst than me, and i look at it that way and i do feel better...yes, i guess i just need to look at also like a chapter in my life that is closed...and it's time to move on, new chapter and new life...i guess when i was growing up and even in my 20's i never thought that my life would turn out this way...everything changes when you get older, even to the very thing that you hold so dearly never stays the same. i guess sometimes the losses can be so painful. i just need to get past it and move on with my life. thanks again for listening and trying to help me understand. i also can feel your pain. May God bless you and help you through.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Thu, 10-29-2009 - 3:47pm

Hi Lovegirl29,


Welcome to the board!!


There is a lot going on in your life right now!!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
Sat, 10-31-2009 - 9:45am

kristiie is right..... YOU ARE NOT ALONE... and thank you for reading and understanding what i was trying to impress upon you..


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2007
Mon, 11-02-2009 - 8:26pm
Dear Soarnangels, thank you for writing to me. I love reading what you had to say. You are right about losing something and gaining something better in our lives. Ever since I lost my best friend, my relationship with my boyfriend has gotten so much closer and better than it's ever been before. WHenever I used to get upset at my boyfriend or have problems in my relationship, I used to call up my best friend for advice or just talk about relationship problems. Sometimes I just needed to vent. Never did I think she would ever bring it up and used it against me later, every little secret I told her about my life, she ended up telling her husband everything and then even criticized me for it. Before our friendship ended, she pretended to be there for me and sympathized with me, but when the moment of truth came where I really needed her, she couldn't handle being a trusting friend, and ended up stabbing me in the back by bringing out all the things I have confided in her and used it to criticize me...I felt like my secrets with her were never safe, I could never trust anymore, it hurt me alot to know that this person whom I trusted her with everything, and being that she's my friend for 15 long years, ended up desserting me and stabbing me in the back when I needed her the most. It hurts even more when I think about how I have always been there for her, and this is how she repay me. I feel so betrayed...but anyways, now that she is out of my life...I feel so much better....I learned a big lesson in life that you can't really trust anybody with everything...I also learned to work on my relationship problems on my own with my boyfriend...whenever I have a problem with him I don't run away to talk to other people, I stay with him and try to resolve it with him..and our relationship has been so much better lately..before I could never do this because I would always run to my best friend and talk about the problem instead of trying to work it out with my boyfriend. Right now i'm not really sure what's going on but maybe this whole experience has forced me to rely on my own strength to pull myself together and to fight my own battle when life's obstacles come my way. thanks for all your encouragement, i really appreciate it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2006
Tue, 11-03-2009 - 6:03am
Hi,
I am sweetbeauty30; nice to meet you!
I can totally relate to how you are feeling, I've felt that way too once upon a time.
I am a introvert and naturally reserved, so trusting doesn't come easily to me.
Can I give some advice?
Cry.
Journal.
Pray (if you are spiritual and/or religious)
Journal (or whatever else is considered therapetic)
Allow yourself time to heal. Don't try and get over it too quickly. Pain has no limit.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
Tue, 11-03-2009 - 9:53am

in your reply to me .. you mentioned feeling "stabbed" in your back by the friend of 15 yrs, my 1st hubby's best friend of 22+ yrs stabbed me in the back and went deep enough that it periced my heart for a second time in a matter of weeks really.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2007
Tue, 11-03-2009 - 1:48pm
Hi SweetBeauty30, nice to meet you too. Yes I have become more spiritual after all the experiences that I experienced in my life. I learned that the greatest love of all is with God. I am learning to rely on myself and learning to trust God. It's funny but when I told this to my best friend of 15 years, the one that our friendship ended...when we had the big fall out, she criticized me for turning to the bible for help. She is not religious person, and when I shared with her what I went through and how Jesus saved me, she laughed in my face later for turning to God. I feel so betrayed and hurt when she said that. What kind of best friend criticized you for something you believed in? She really hurt me alot. But yes you are right, the truth is it's hard to get over something like that so quickly. I still need alot of time to heal. I'm still hurting from the break up of my friendship. It's hard for me to trust anyone now, but life must go on. I can't let this experience affect my relationship with other people. I still believe there are true friends out there, I am determined not to let this one friend ruin my life and my relationships with other people. Thank you again for your encouragement and advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2007
Tue, 11-03-2009 - 1:51pm
dear soarnangels, i'm so sorry that happened to you. but like you, i can understand your pain. sometimes when you think someone is your friend, they're not. and it hurts..badly. i'm still hurting from my breakup with my best friend because I never thought in a million years that she would turn around and stabbed me in the back like that. I'm trying so hard right now to forgive her and just move on with my life. sometimes that's all you can do. thank you again for all your encouragement. and thank you so much for taking the time to write to me. i really appreciate it and looking forward to hear more from you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
Wed, 11-04-2009 - 8:36am

i decided a long time ago that is the reason i am here.. to show, teach. help