When will I feel like an adult? ;)

Avatar for ubergeek
Community Leader
Registered: 09-23-2010
When will I feel like an adult? ;)
4
Wed, 11-06-2013 - 9:32am

Here I am, 35 (coming up on 36 at the beginning of the new year), and yet I still feel like I'm not a grown up at times. Am I the only one? I thought I'd be so adult-like when I hit 30, but 5—almost 6—years later and I'm still floundering at times. Yes, I'm married with two kids, own a home (well, pay a mortgage!), and all that 'adult' stuff. 

For example, one big issue I have is with the school. I still feel like I'm a kid when I go to meetings and such at the kiddo's school. I don't know if it was because I was only 23 when he was born or what. In his group, I'm the young mom. Now in my daughters group (she's 2½) I'm the old mom. Can't win.

Anyone else feel like this?

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Wed, 11-06-2013 - 9:41am

I just turned 37 and I still constantly feel like this.  I was actually telling a group of mom friends (who are all older than I am) that I went shopping and I love the Ann Taylor store, but I don't feel grown up enough to be wearing those clothes.  I work in a professional environment, so I do wear suits and professional clothes often, but its just weird at times.  I felt much more like that with the schools with my oldest one, not as much with the younger ones now, now I do feel a bit more like the older mom and don't feel as intimidated by some of the "seasoned moms", as I used to.  I think for me its mostly at work, up until the job I have now, I was always one of or the youngest person in the office, but had sometimes many more years of experience as I started in my chosen career at 19.  But I still feel like in meetings and around the office I am overlooked when it comes to people looking for information because they are newer in the job and don't realize or know the experience I have and I look younger or less experienced than I am.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 11-06-2013 - 11:33am

Do you notice how often you use the words "I feel" in your post?  That is the key to your problem.  You lack the self confidence to be who you ARE because you think that others see you as not "mature".  Stop worrying about "old".......because no one wants to get "old"......you need to start analyzing yourself, to figure out why you lack the maturity that you wish you'd have.  In your "business meetings" you probably don't speak up on subjects you're knowledgeable in.........so sure, they overlook you! 

When you were growing up I'll bet you weren't allowed to speak up, or you weren't listened to or encouraged to think for yourself.  As my favorite psychologist says:  "it takes a thousand "atta girls" to make up for ONE "be quiet" or "that's stupid".  If you weren't encouraged to use your knowledge as a youngster.......you're still feeling "put down" or "ignored" now.  You just weren't allowed to grow up.  If you can't just get yourself to stand up and be heard, then maybe you should look into some professional help to get there.  This has nothing to do with Ann Taylor clothes, or getting "old".......this has to do with self confidence, and yours needs help!

You don't EVER want to get "old"!  But you need to work on your self confidence to gain the "maturity" that you don't have.....it can be done, if not alone, then with help!  Good Luck to you!

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Thu, 11-07-2013 - 9:47am

deleted

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Sun, 11-24-2013 - 1:41pm

I was, sad to say, raised to be an overachiever.  I never thought about when I would be/feel grown up because there was always the next hurdle and accomplishments never fulfilled me.  I broke away from my parents' cloistering influence, got married, served as a U.S. Military Officer, fathered two children, finished graduate school, worked in two cities, attained a job of substantial responsiblity. THEN  I think I felt grown up.  At 32 I was satisfied that I had done the fast track thing enough to take a breath.  Wrong.  I was so immersed in the greyhound culture that I couldn't enjoy life and relax. Lesson learned:  help influence young people to remember that balance in their life is important.  So, for me, I "arrived"--woo hoo--at 32.  I guess it is considerably different for each of us depending on our nature and nurture.