Words of wisdom needed!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2007
Words of wisdom needed!
4
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 9:14pm
Okay ladies...looking for some good advice or some stories with happy endings that might give me a little hope.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
Mon, 02-15-2010 - 11:07am

well marie MAYBE I AM THE ANGEL you have been looking for .. the one tells you IT IS POSSIBLE TO FIND that someone and that special love THAT IS HERE FOR EVERYONE..


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Mon, 02-15-2010 - 11:07am
How about stop "trying" for a while and concentrate in yourself. Listen, I am 32 and divorced. Been there , done that lost the t-shirt. I learned in all this process that I need to be content with myself FIRST in order to attract the right kind of person. You can not receive what you cannot give. You need to be happy on your own FIRST and then, you will be able to find the right person for YOU. I don't want to sound harsh but maybe this is a gift of time for you... so you can concentrate in what makes you happy. Nothing wrong with having a relationship. Or want to have it, but YOU need to be the first priority in your life. Trust me, you will be happier and happy people attracts more than "trying to get into a relation" people.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2005
Mon, 02-15-2010 - 1:50pm

Honestly, I think you need to start being MORE picky, not less! It sounds like you're doing some online dating and I think that's great! I did my share of online dating when I was single and got some fun dates out of it! But I think online dating shouldn't feel *that* different from any other kind of dating and I don't think you should depend on it too much -- don't let it be the only way you're meeting people!

Here's my advice:

Don't actually *date* people online just use the websites to *meet* them! I've seen so many friends get so wrapped up in an idea of a guy they met online. They IM chat, they text, they email, they talk on the phone, they spend weeks or even months "getting to know each other." They develop strong feelings for this person. And then they meet in person and they have no chemistry and they feel heart broken. Online dating worked really well for me because I didn't do any of that. When I found someone online that I wanted to date, I'd wink at them or send them an email. If they replied, we'd email back a couple of times over the course of a couple days and then I'd ask if they wanted to meet for coffee or drinks. I like coffee and drinks because those dates can pretty much be as long or as short as you want them to be! I would never IM or text and would never talk on the phone more than once before we met in person. I'm not going to waste my time with someone who doesn't actually want to go on a date. When you meet someone in real life, at a party, through friends, at the grocery store, whatever, you don't spend weeks/months before you go on an actual date. I think online dating works best when it's a way of meeting someone, but not a way of developing a relationship. That's too unnatural. I also think if you go on a date and there's no chemistry or mutual interest, don't go out again. Move on!

Also, it sounds like you're already doing this, but don't depend on online dating. Go out with your friends! Get set up (if that's your thing). Keep doing things you're interested in and keep your eyes open. My DF and I met at a blues dancing festival. And not only is he awesome, it's great to have the shared interest in dancing.

I do think you should focus on yourself and do things that make you happy like the previous poster suggested, but I think she is projecting a little because she doesn't want a relationship right now. Which is find for her! But it sounds like you do want a relationship and I think that's okay too!! Make sure you're not neglecting yourself and make sure that you are doing things that you are interested in, not JUST to meet people. But if you are out doing things you like to do and you happen to notice an attractive guy there who is also interested in those things ... of course you should go out with him. And if you want to meet someone, I do think it takes effort sometimes! Sure sometimes, it happens when you least expect it, but in my experience that's pretty rare. Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.

Don't waste your time with guys with drama filled lives or who you know you don't have chemistry with. But on the flip side of the coin, also make sure that you're looking for guys to date, not to marry. It doesn't take much effort to go on a date with a guy and it doesn't take much resources either since you can date more than one person at a time -- and I think you should!! That way if you go on a date with a guy, the stakes won't be that high since you'll already have another date lined up for later in the week! :)

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SDFX
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 12:47pm

Hi Mariek,


Try not to feel down too much!!!