Now that I am in my 40s

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2011
Now that I am in my 40s
4
Thu, 01-31-2013 - 2:58pm

I am finding I have such a harder time making friends because I have less tolerance for the petty things. Life is so short, I want to invest my time in relationships I enjoy, instead of relationships that for which I feel obligated. For example, spending long days with my sister-in-law is an obligation, as she is a physically draining person. I also do not want to make friends with the neighborhood gossip. Does anyone else find this to be the case as they get older?

Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Thu, 02-14-2013 - 10:06pm

I find as I get older I have let go of those friendships that are work to maintain.  I am so past holding my tongue because so and so takes everything the wrong way.  I refuse to walk around on eggshells.  I'm simply too tired to deal with it all.  My SIL is drama city.  She is the "woe is me" child.  Now that my MIL is dead she only has her brother, my DH to whine to.  My hubby doesn't put up with it.  She tries though.  She wants to move out of the swamps and up to Baton Rouge.  I hope she does.  Two hours between us might be better than the 40 minutes we have now. 

I find I like people who are into the same activities I am in.  I like hanging around other artists.  I like hanging around the people who do the same volunteer work I do. 

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Avatar for vegiemama
Community Leader
Registered: 01-06-2000
Sat, 02-09-2013 - 1:52am

I am more discriminating with my time and friendships.  I don't care if I have a social life at all, in fact, LOL.  My closest friends actually live some distance away, and I have enough things to keep me busy without spending time hanging out just to hang out.  Maybe when I'm an empty nester I'll wish things were different, but right now, I am happy the way things are.


Sue
Homeschooling mom to DD15 & DS11

CL of Homeschooling, Signature Showcase, Ectopic Loss, and Fertility Charting

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2013
Fri, 02-01-2013 - 5:22pm

Yup! And wait until you get older...you just quit doing things that you don't want to do anymore and life is much better. Wish I knew that when I was younger.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2012
Thu, 01-31-2013 - 5:47pm

I tend to agree with you. I don't find I have a harder time making friends, just that I am a bit more choosy when it comes to who I want to spend time with.

We do find that as we mature that friendships take time and investment to make them grow and be stable. I also do not want to feel obligated to hang out with someone I don't have much in common with or enjoy.

Definitely stay away from draining toxic relationships, and why does it seem everyone has that one "sister in law" who is a emotional vampire? I rarely talk to mine anymore as she is such a debbie downer.

I have a small circle of friends who have the same interests and goals in their lives and though we don't interact all the time, when we do we know our time together is valuable.