Need help please

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Need help please
11
Wed, 04-07-2010 - 11:30am
I have finally decided to follow the Wiccan faith and now I'm having problems. It all started with easter. I told my daughter that if she wanted to go to the easter service at church she was more than welcome to go and I would take her. She decided she did not want to but she does want to go to church next Sunday which I am fine with. I want my daughter to have her own beliefs no matter what they are. So anyways, her and my mom got into a huge fight because she didn't go to the easter service and my DD blurted out that i don't believe in easter or god so that opened a whole other can of worms. I come from the kind of family that is not open to other beliefs so my mom told my DD that I am a christian because that is the way she raised me and that is the only beliefs that are the truth. I guess what I need help in is how do I be the best Wiccan I can be when I can't be accepted for who I am? And also how do I help my DD to be the best person she can be when she is being told if she don't believe in god she will burn in hell? I just want my DD to be the best person she can be No matter how she believes.



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Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Thu, 04-08-2010 - 10:25pm

I come from a very strict Roman Catholic family and my Husband does too.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2008
Thu, 04-08-2010 - 11:37pm
I was raised agnostic and didn't go to church while I was growing up. I've been a Pagan all my life, though I didn't put a name to it until my late teens/early 20s. I believe that one's religion is a very personal thing and if you choose to discuss it among people who don't share your beliefs, that can cause a lot of trouble, hurt feelings and anger. So unless I know someone is a Pagan or is at least Pagan-friendly, what my religion is is no one's business but my own. And I think that's what you should do within your own family. Let your mother know that from now on, religious beliefs will no longer be a topic of discussion and instill that in your daughter as well. Allow her to ultimately choose her own way. Since you said that you've decided to become a Wiccan, I'm assuming that you're still in the learning stages of the religion. Has your daughter shown an interest in becoming a Wiccan as well? If she has, then this would be a wonderful opportunity for the two of you to learn about it together. If she's undecided as to what path, if any, that she does want to follow, then allow her to set her own pace. Keep reminding her that there are many, many different paths in this world and not everyone walks on the same one. Teach her to respect someone else's path as well. Her grandmother's path is a valid one, but it's not a valid one for everyone. It can be difficult not to defend yourself when someone is telling you that you're going to hell, but sometimes you have to let stuff slide off your back and not give into them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Fri, 04-09-2010 - 8:46am

Karen thank you so much for your reply. I find it interesting that you have gone from the Roman Catholic church to following your own path. That had to be a hard change. I think its awesome though that you have let your son decide for himself and what path he wants to follow. I have told my dd that no one really knows what religion is the "truth" and what isnt so its up to each individual person to follow what is right in their heart. She is having trouble with that concept and I believe it is because of my mother. My mom has made her so afraid that she feels like she has to believe in jesus and god because if she doesnt than she will burn in hell for eternity. I dont want my dd to be afraid no matter what path she decides to follow. She shouldnt be afraid, she should embrace her beliefs and love that she has made a mature decision that she can be happy with. I only want what is best for her. If she chooses christianity or any other religion that believes in god or jesus than that is her choice and she should do it because she loves them, not because she fears them. I have so many issues when it comes to the bible and god that I can in no way accept it as my beliefs but that doesnt mean that I wont support her in her decision no matter what. But it has to be just that, her decision! I have had a talk with my dd and told her that no matter what her father and I believe in it is no one elses business and it should not be discussed with anyone especially her grandparents. They just dont understand and I dont want to cause ill feelings between any of us. They already hate my husband enough because he dont kiss their ass all the time. He is his own person and he wont be a kiss ass to them and thats what my mom thrives on so she cant stand him since he dont do that. I believe that is one of the main reasons she told my dd that he was messed up in the head. She thinks that she has everyone figured out when really she has no clue what shes talking about most of the time.

Wow well I can see that I have rambled on enough. I do apologize but I do appreciate you listening and for giving your reply.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Fri, 04-09-2010 - 9:00am
Hi Sister thanks so much for your reply. I hear what your saying about religions being a personal thing and I completely agree with you. This whole thing originated when I told my mom that a new topic in dd's homeschooling was going to be religion. My mom was thrilled because she didnt realize that I meant all religions. She thought I meant christian. She was floored when I told her that it would cover a wide variety of different beliefs and I was doing this because I wanted Angel to be taught more than just to believe in a god that may or may not be real. I wanted her eyes open to many different beliefs so it would broaden her mind and so she wouldnt be just like every other redneck that lives in this community. I have a very bright and artistic child and I want her to become something and get out of this damn county we live in. Well needless to say that when I told my mom this and that we have no way of knowing for sure what the actual "truth" is my mom was pissed. So thats when she started having these one on one talks with Angel when I wasnt around and telling her that if she dont believe in god than she will burn in hell. Now Angel is scared to death. She was getting very excited about learning other beliefs but now I cant get her to look at any of the material that I have bought because she says she dont want to go to hell. I see my very creative daughter just dieing away and this "vanilla" lifestyle starting to take over. I cant stand it! Yes I am just really starting to begin my journey in the Wiccan faith and so far I am loving it. I wish I could get my dd to look at it but as of right now theres no way. I am trying so hard to just let her figure things out for herself but I have this strong desire to help her. She is so confused and has so much on her mind all the time and I just dont know what to do anymore. She spends time at my moms house on a daily basis because I have to work and I dont really have any other way around it right now. Im just lost as to what to do I guess.
Sorry this was so long but thanks so much for listening.



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Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Sat, 04-10-2010 - 2:37pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Mon, 04-12-2010 - 7:29am

Karen you sound like and incredible person. Your journey sounds like it has been an interesting one. I completely understand what your saying about the inconsistencies in the christian beliefs. I have felt the same way my whole life but I have never been in a position where I felt like I could explore other things until now. I have a very supportive husband and my journey so far has been a pretty good one. I am learning quite a bit with the help of reading and some online friends I have made on Facebook.

My daughter sounds a little like your son and I have told her pretty much the same thing that you told your son. I also told her that I have trouble believing in a god that loves us but if we dont live his way than we are condemned to hell. For example, I have a couple of really awesome friends that are gay and they just adopted a gay son. They all attend church regularly, now my problem is that even though they are good christian people that believe in the lord and want the same for their kid they are automatically going to hell just because they love differently. At least thats what the bible says. I just cant accept that.

I too like you are bisexual and I feel that just because I can have an intimate relationship with a woman just the same as I can a man doesnt make me a bad person and I shouldnt have to spend all of eternity paying because I am different. If god made us in his image than why are we all so different? Its just nothing in the bible makes sense to me.

Well I can see that I have rambled on enough. I do thank you for your posts. You seem like an awesome woman that really knows who she is and is proud to be that woman.




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Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Tue, 04-13-2010 - 10:34am

Thank you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 1:51pm
Hi Tammy, in addition to the support you're receiving here for your beliefs, you may want to check out the Bisexuality board for support for that aspect of your life. :)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 2:44pm
Hi Stephanie, thanks for the suggestion. I am a daily lurker on the bisexual board and I think the women are awesomw over there. I wish I had the guts to post over there and I may someday I just don't know if I'm ready yet. The only people that know of my sexuallity so far is my husband and the one woman I had a relationship with. My family would not be accepting so that is why they will never know. I wish I had a nice group that I could chat with just unsure if I'm ready.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 2:49pm
Hi Tammy, I'm sure the members there would be just as accepting of your posting about your sexuality freely as the members here are, but I understand it's not an easy thing to be so open about. Just know, whenever you are ready to post about it more, we're here, whether on this board or that one. :)


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