All I want is respect!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2010
All I want is respect!
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 10:56pm

I went for years dating men, without knowing what I was missing out on. And then I met him, and everything changed.

He never stared at my chest, was very discreet about looking at my ass, never made passes that made me uncomfortable, respected me as a human being, as a woman, and as my individual self. That respect he gave me, even before he really got to know me, changed the way I see men. I had never been treated so FAIRLY and GOOD by men before!
And when we were finally intimate, it was the best sex I ever had, because I was so comfortable. So happy and secure knowing that he wasn't using me, or that he didn't want to just get off and get out. I had had a boyfriend before, and he never made me feel that good ever.

We ended a year ago, because he decided to move when I wasn't able to. We are still friends, even though I've had to back off because I was so hurt having to give up on something so wonderful.

But now, when I go out on dates, I notice how these men don't respect me to the standard I got used to. I feel that settling for anything less than I was given before would be wrong. I deserve to feel that wonderful again!

The problem is, I've gone on several dates since we ended, but I haven't met a guy who treats me that well. Some want sex after the second MEETING (not even a date), some don't even seem to care that they barely know me as long as they get me in bed.

I'm frustrated because I just don't know what to do. Any advice? Ideas on where I might find a good man? I realize I may be looking for a while, and I'm not in any hurry, but I feel that men like that must be rare.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 8:24am
If you want someone with qualities that your ex had, then you should look for men in similar places as you found him. Did you meet him through a friend? The circumstances in which you meet a guy can say a lot about his personality. Have you tried online dating? I might suggest even taking a course, if you can, in a subject that either really interests you or would help your career. Putting yourself in a situation where you have common ground with other people really helps to meet and connect with people similar to yourself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2009
Sat, 09-04-2010 - 9:22pm
I would spend my time visualizing and pretending that you are with the person you are looking for.

Tap Into Love - Your Universal Toolbox for Creating the Love of Your Life