Brother Acts Like I don't exist
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|Sun, 08-11-2013 - 3:10am|
I am 28. My brother is 26 and 1/2. In chinese cultures parents value the boys more.
I was dianosed and treated for bipolar at age 14 and took meds since. I am on disability income and I am weening myself off of it by starting my own tutoring business to teach kids. My brother and I never spoke to each other for a few years. He lives on the east coast and I live on the west. He moved out there. I live alone and in the same city as my parents. I earned my Bachelor's Degree at age 27. My brother got a masters at age 26 at an ivy league school.
At age 18 to age 21, I lived with my parents and they took 75% of my disability check away from me and gave it to my brother for school. I moved out at age 22 and had 100% control of my income. I asked my mom to borrow 30 dollars for food, and she didn't lend it to me. I was stuck with the worst boyfriend in the world in 2009. He had a porn addiction, and ignored me when I visited him and just watched TV. I was stuck with him because his roommates let me eat their food if I cleaned their home.
My mom justifies giving 75% of my disability income to my brother and told me that I have no right to sue him or my mom. To this day, she still tells me don't complain about that money given away when I never did.
I am a very nurturing girl. I have an amazing boyfriend now 2010-2013 (and going). He does everything to put me first and makes me feel very special. He has little neices and nephews and they love me to death. They draw me pictures that say "You're the best" "I love you." But part of me feels horrible and unworthy inside.
I work very hard in therapy. I put myself in therapy since age 14. My brother once told my mom 2009, to tell me...to get a job when I was on disability income and struggling in college. He was ashamed that I was on disability. I tried very hard to earn my BA. I read the textbook 4 times because my disability caused learning difficulities.
My brother is getting married far accross the world. My parents can't afford to go. So when I get married in the same city that they live in, they won't attend....so they won't anger my brother by going to my wedding and not his.
I've looked into the future. When I get married...I might have my best friend walk me down the isle, while my boyfriend has his mom and dad there.
Family is in the heart not by blood.
I've sent my brother short messages, long messages....left voicemails....and got nothing!
What if one day, he dies or I die?
And we are family but acted like we never were? Is that okay? Is it okay that I live my own life, and let him be? (I have no reason to feel ashamed for being on disability. The government wouldn't grant me it if medically I don't qualify. I didn't live a day in my life that I didn't try my best. Even when I cried too much and couldn't complete class, I went to therapy with a list of things to work on, so I can succeed in school again.)