Did i scare him off??

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2013
Did i scare him off??
3
Sun, 06-23-2013 - 8:46pm
What happened? Did I scare him off? So I knew this guy for a little over a year and everyone thought he was into me. We worked together. Time went on and we just became close at work but did not do anything about it until he left the job. He would say things like how I don't need makeup or how him and my dad would get along..., or how I am so intelligent and I was smart and got a good education... After we left,we texted back and forth... Went out on dates.. By the 3rd date we had sex and he still seemed very interested. He would give me cute eskimo kisses and say things like even though we do this and this differently we will make it work. And it wasn't just sex between us I could feel the connection. He always had this cheesy smile on his face and would say things like "I could lie here with you all day..." Or "you are so beautiful.." And he's had to cancel plans but did reschedule.. He would say things like I don't want to wait another week to see u again..And that he thought I was cute 3 years ago when he first saw me but I did not notice him.. I took this as the green light that he liked me .. So we saw each 2 days in a row... I slept over at his place and the 1st morning I did not want to be rude so I made his bed (I don't like leaving someone's place unkempt) . I joked with him saying don't you like coming home to a bed that's made!? He said why b/c you are sleeping in it the next night... So that night he had this huge smile on his face saying "this is great, I come home and my bed is made, I can relax.. ." So we cuddled and had sex again.. cuddled some more etc... Next day I did the same thing but he was in a rush cuz he was late to work so he said "just leave it!" and we left .. We kissed each other goodbye... Then 2 weeks went by and he was very busy and had to cancel plans but did not offer to reschedule so I did.. When I finally saw him 3 weeks later, we had a casual dinner and then he walked me to my car and we gave each other a big hug and he smiled again and kissed me real quick on the lips... No mention of another date... 2 weeks later, I was having a bad week and I texted him saying hey can we go out I'm having a really bad week. He couldn't cuz he was going to be out of town... So I told him 2 hours later can you call me.. He said sure, is everything ok? So I talked to him...for an hour.. I asked him out again and he said he would call me this week... I wanted to tell him my feelings but I could not get the courage to do so... So I texted him and just said "hey just wanted to get this off my chest... U may or may not know this but I have feelings for you.." 2 days later and still no response... I don't understand b/c this entire year practically went by everyone thought he really liked me.. I have a feeling he has trust issues from things he's told me before like how he doesn't trust anyone... I am pretty sure me making his bed did not freak him out b/c I was just being nice it's not like I was washing the dishes and doing laundry...I got him this goodbye gift that he said meant a lot to him... I do plan on leaving him alone and not texting him anymore.. I only texted him like once every 3 days.. And then it went down to once a week... He said he's very shy and I can tell that he was too shy to even kiss me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2013
Wed, 06-26-2013 - 1:38pm

Whether you did or not, it sounds like he's the one with the issues not you. It's not cool for him to blow you off and not respond to your text. You aren't being overbearing or trying too hard. For gosh sakes, you were good enough to have sex with but not to continue a relationship, or at least have the common courtesy of a phone call? He was very misleading with all that he was saying to you, and it's not fair to give you expectations like that. I think you should not contact him again, the ball's in his court. If I was you, I also wouldn't be so quick to drop everything and be available. You might want to have some plans of your own.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2013
Thu, 06-27-2013 - 12:13am
And what I kept thinking is if he has feelings, He would definitely have them by now as we were really Close at work... Not to mention when I told him I had feelings I couldn't imagine that it came as a shock to him... It's not like we Met 2 months ago and I said that... We were close before... I didn't say I love you... And not once have I demanded anything or tell him how dare he do this I've been supportive and understanding ... But I haven't contacted him since... I am pretending in my mind that he's never gonna contacted so I can move on... His birthday is in 2 weeks and I'm tempted to just say happy birthday , hope everything is good. Just so that if I did make the situation awkward with the I have feelings text there is an in between text So he doesn't feel obligated to respond to that one... What do u think....
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2013
Fri, 06-28-2013 - 2:59pm
I think that's a good move, under the radar and no pressure and the balls in his court. At least you are taking the higher road, kwim? I think you are in the right frame of mind in how to deal with it. I wish men would be more open and not so evasive!