Dilemma! Is this a relationship or is it not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2012
Dilemma! Is this a relationship or is it not?
13
Tue, 02-21-2012 - 11:15am

There’s this guy I’ve been talking to for 2.5 months. He is not in the country right now, so we’ve been chatting via IM, Skype, and emails. At first, we talked about everything random from favorite color to sports, teams, likes, dislikes, last time we were physically active, and old relationship (the last topic not in too much detail). Anyway, after a while hormones kicked in and we started flirting, then sexting, then before you knew it was second base, then third, and pseudo 4th…since its virtual. We have the ability to turn each other on with minimal seduction. So no trouble there…hence

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2010
Tue, 02-21-2012 - 11:32am

Is this the guy who is living overseas?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2012
Tue, 02-21-2012 - 12:45pm

Yep he's a civilian on a DOD contract at the base.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2010
Tue, 02-21-2012 - 1:25pm
How long will he be overseas before he's able to return? Is he on a long term contract? A friend of mine is married to an overseas contractor. He's able to come home about 4 times a year for a few weeks at a time. It's worked for them because they have a really strong foundation and have been together for years before he took this job.

IMO, relationships take work. When a relationship is this new, it's not supposed to be this much work. Maybe it would be best for you to find someone who can be available to you. Long distance relationships can work, but I would think they would have their best shot at success if they start when the people involved can be near each other (or if there's some way for the two of you to definitely be together on a regular basis).

About the roses, it's possible he ordered them in advance. Have you spoken to him since you received them?

If you want to stay in the relationship, I think it's probably best to address your concerns with him directly. I wouldn't do it via e-mail or text, but instead by some means where you have to actually speak with each other (Skype, phone, etc.).
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2012
Tue, 02-21-2012 - 1:31pm
Yep he sent an offline message 2 days before the roses came that he's on the road and hasn't had a chance to talk. Then I talked to him, skype, about 4 days ago.

Thanks...i suppose that's where my major concern was..if I was putting in a lot of effort to a relationship that may or may not be solid. And am not exactly experienced in relationships long distance or nearby so I wanted to know if my approach was ok or if i was fretting over nothing. :)

oh he shud be back towards the end of March...and as of now he isn't sure if he's gonna be back for good or not...so everything is sorta up in the air ....
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2010
Tue, 02-21-2012 - 1:37pm
Oh, well if he's going to be back towards the end of March, I think I would wait until then before making any decisions. :)

Is he from your area?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2008
Tue, 02-21-2012 - 6:25pm
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2012
Thu, 02-23-2012 - 2:26am
:( nope. I guess in a sense am gambling. It it works out it's meant to, if not well ...:D u can't force a relationship to happen can you? Only nurture it. Thanks for your input.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2010
Thu, 02-23-2012 - 9:52am
Well, I hope you two do get a chance to get together next month. You'll probably have a lot of your questions answered then. Let us know how it goes!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2010
Tue, 03-27-2012 - 11:34am
abitha1985 wrote:

oh he shud be back towards the end of March...and as of now he isn't sure if he's gonna be back for good or not...so everything is sorta up in the air ....

Have you gotten a chance to see him yet?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2012
Tue, 03-27-2012 - 1:39pm
Thanks for your help. But I never heard back from him after that. He just vanished. :).

There's my first experience in LDR. I am gonna see guys close to home instead.

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