Drunken Flirting with Boyfriend's Friend.... Advice Please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2011
Drunken Flirting with Boyfriend's Friend.... Advice Please!
4
Wed, 10-19-2011 - 12:45pm

The other night my boyfriend and I hooked up with his friend and his brother's friend to go to a football game. We were having a lot of fun, although I had already developed a sort of interest in the BF (brothers friend) prior to this date. We had only met one time before, and for some reason I just found myself intrigued by him... so of COURSE when I heard that he was going with us to the game, I become a bit nervous and also excited. (fyi I have NEVER cheated on my boyfriend in our 5 yr relationahip, and we are moving in together this weekend) We get there and start drinking and by the middle of the game its safe to say I was drunk- and Im sure I was a little flirty- especiallly because we sat next to each other and talked the whole time. On the ride home, I sat in the front with him, and was even more flirty.... at one point I remember rubbing his shoulder with my hand... and I feel so embarressed!!!!!! My boyfriend confronted me on the ride home, saying that the BF apoligized to him when we parked, saying he wasnt doing anything, and that I was flirting with him. When we said that, I started laughing and confirming how ridiculous he was being, and eventually he dropped it. SO- making it even MORE embarressing, I accidentally left my phone in his car, and have to pick it up the next day- when I got there, he was so cool and handed me my phone (fully charged!) and told me to get some sleep.

Bottom line is- I cannot stop thinking about him, and I feel like I may have convinced myself that theres a possibility of him also having interest in me, although there most likely is none.

Help is a must! Should I apoligize to the BF for what happened? or leave it alone? and also- why doesn't my boyfriend get more upset with me? I feel like I should be in the dog house, and in his eyes I am not. Words of wisdom please ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

You are right... There is most likely no interest on the friend's side (can you use a term other than "BF"? that becomes confusing because "BF" stands for "boyfriend" around here)

Everyone gets silly crushes once in a while. I would leave it alone. You were drunk and you wouldn't have done it otherwise. If you would have, then you shouldn't be moving in with your boyfriend (and, I assume, starting a future together).

Your boyfriend isn't upset because he knows you are faithful to him and he probably understands people act poorly when drunk. If I were you, I would avoid getting drunk in the presence of someone you have a crush on.

Even if the friend did have an interest in you, it can't go anywhere, if you are committed to your boyfriend.

It's ok to accept that you are attracted to someone else and leave it at that. Attractions do not need to go further.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009

I definitely think you should apologize to him and your boyfriend. It made for an awkward situation between you and your boyfriend and your boyfriend and his brother's friend. If your boyfriend confronted you over your behavior that night, you probably are a bit in the dog house. Or maybe he believes you that HE'S the one who is being ridiculous, which I think is a bit unfair since you know what you did.

Are you happy with your boyfriend? If you aren't or if you think you want to date other people, then you might want to consider a break.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Just to add...I wouldn't seek out the brother's friend to apologize. But I'd probably apologize the next time you happened to see him. Not a big, dramatic apology. Probably more of a, "Sorry about the other night. It was inappropriate and I feel like a fool." (BTDT, BTW)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2011

Thank you so much for your feedback, I think I will hold off on contacting the my boyfriend's brother's friend for now. The chances of us seeing each other again soon are not high, so I just don't know whether or not I should drop it for good, or send him a text or something getting it out there and off my chest. Its on my mind all the time since it happened and I DO feel like a fool.