I'm despeirate to save my marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2011
I'm despeirate to save my marriage
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 2:31am

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 8:03am
I don't know what illness he has but it sounds serious so I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume it could very well be affecting his sex life. You can't expect an unhealthy person to have a healthy sex life, that's a bit unreasonable.

But apart from that, he sounds like a very selfish person with little to no regard for your feelings. Why are you desperate to save a marriage you are clearly so unhappy in? You've had problems since before you got married and to be honest, the ages of the girls he speaks to is disturbing and should have raised alarm bells from the beginning. It also almost sounds like he proposed during an argument? That's doesn't sound like a healthy way to make a life time decision.

I wonder if he got married because he thought he was going to die soon and didn't want to die alone. He was not thinking about whether the relationship could be successful long term and now that he has to, he's realizing it's not going to work for him.

Maybe his illness has forced him to think only about himself and therefore he is not used to thinking about how his actions, choices and behavior effects other people. Maybe he is used to doing what he wants and living in the moment. If there is something he wants to do, like talk to other women excessively and privately, he does it because he thinks life is too short to deny himself the things he wants. The people in his life probably let him do whatever he wants because they also know how short his life might be.

Facing death can really mess with people and I think it's probably messed with him. I think you definitely need counselling if you're going to save this marriage but if you can't even afford the right medication for him, how are you going to afford therapy? Personally, I don't think this relationship is worth saving but if you still do, it's time to put your foot down and tell him counselling needs to start NOW or you'll start filing for divorce.