Is it always good to burn your bridges?
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|Mon, 10-31-2011 - 12:13am|
I've always had the tendency to "burn my bridges" with people who I either don't like as people or who have hurt me on some way. This usually occurs with friends not so much with ex-boyfriends. But lately I've tended to stop doing this so much and do the reverse. That is, if a friendship is getting on my nerves or I find out something about the person I don't agree with then I distance myself now instead of completely cutting all contact with them. And now I cut contact with exes b/c well it makes more sense.
For example, I was friends with this girl for 6 years and thought I knew enough about her. Well apparently I didn't. We made the mistake of living together and I found out how much of an annoying spoiled brat she is. Plus I heard her talking about me to her sorority friends while I was in the next room which screamed of immaturity to me. I moved out two months ago b/c I lost my job and well she was getting on my nerves so I moved back in with my parents. We haven't spoken for the past almost month and I'm honestly fine with that and it seems she is as well. She hasn't made the effort to speak to me. Usually in this type of situation I would have told her off and blocked her on social media sites as well as deleting her number from my phone and all of that b/c my thought was always I don't wanna deal with drama. But maybe I'm maturing or something but I didn't make a scene when I left instead we calmly talked things over and we went our separate ways. I don't know that we'll ever be as good as friends as we used to be but right now I'm not worried about it.
Then there comes the ex issue. So my last ex and I broke up 2 years ago this month. We were really close and for the longest time after the break up we talked about things that we probably shouldn't have continued to talk about. It was pretty confusing between us. I deleted him once from FB and avoided speaking to him in anyway for a few weeks after our break up. Then we tried being actual friends after that time but that didn't happen. It was still weird between us. On New Years of this year, he told me that his new year's resolution was to stop doing something that he hated going back to but he hated to leave. It left me and my friends thinking he was referring to me which proved to be true b/c he stopped talking to me and when I would say something to him it was always very short and terse almost rude. We were living on either side of the country which is why we broke up in the first place. I left him alone for a few months until I found out through a mutual friend that he was moving away to southeast asia... I was so shocked by this. I asked him about it and again with the short terseness. He moved there and then I moved in with the friend that I mentioned above. I was moving to a new city as well.
Over the summer he messaged me asking how things were going for me but once he started acting nice it was as if he realized something and would stop and go back to his short and almost rude responses. I was getting tired of this weirdness. So when I lost my job and had more time on my hands I did some soul searching if you will and realized that even though I had convinced myself that I was over him I realized I really wasn't so I cut contact with him completely. A little while later I moved back home and ironically so did he. We didn't talk for a few months there. Then all of the sudden I started to apply to a bunch of places and realized that a lot of things were pointing me to his city. I was really hesitant to apply to there but my family and friends all told me well you never know maybe that's where you're supposed to end up. The more I learn about it up there the more I like it. Before we broke up he tried to convince me to move up there with him but I couldn't b/c I had just been accepted into a program at my university and it would be difficult to apply to somewhere completely new and start over again. But now I feel like almost every day something new pops up that keeps pointing me to living up there.
First of all, as a pagan I always look for places that are more pagan friendly which is why I moved recently to the city that I did [Boston and was going to be living in Salem, MA] but I soon realized it was way to gimmicky to be like a pagan community that I would feel comfortable with. Salem is fun on Halloween and as a tourist trap but not to live. And after doing a bit of research on the topic I find that Minneapolis [where my ex lives] has the biggest pagan community in the US. One of my favorite book publishers of pagan books is headquartered out of there also which I applied and spoke to HR about positions [they aren't hiring right now unfortunately]. Then comes the artsiness of the city which is one thing that he tried convincing me on to move there b/c I have a degree in photography now. MN is very supportive of the arts as I've found out recently through a documentary that was aired on PBS. Then as someone who has grown up being an airline child meaning my dad has worked in the airline industry for over 30 years we moved around quite a bit. From NYC to Memphis and then to Atlanta. He worked for Northwest Airlines which had a main hub in MN and before we moved to Atlanta my dad was offered a job in Minneapolis which he didn't take b/c he hates the cold so we moved to Atlanta. But now that Northwest was bought out by Delta things have changed. My dad recently convinced me to try working for Delta in any position so that I can after a few months to a year get a job in my field with them as they mostly post those types of jobs internally. So I applied and a week later I received a call from their HR and we talked for a while. The HR lady practically told me I was hired but I would need to fill out some things online and that they would be in touch for training. Now there's a possibility that I may end up in Minneapolis.
I had messaged my ex a few weeks ago saying that I had applied to the pagan book publisher up there and that it would be nice to atleast know someone in the area. He responded and wished me luck and what not. I tried adding him on FB again but he never accepted which I thought was odd in a way. One of my friends asked him one day when they were hanging out why he hadn't added me on yet and he said he just needed some time to think about it. I'm not sure what that means exactly and she didn't either so she just let it slide.
So now I'm a little confused on what to do here. There is a slight possibility that I'll end up moving there but of course it's not 100% sure. And it's always good to have someone near that you know so that they can get you started practically in the new city but he doesn't seem to want to be a friend. Which I guess is fine, I can be in a new place and make new friends I'm not afraid of that. But after some time of thinking about things, I feel as though I still am not over him. I feel like I've tried everything to get over him. Cutting contact with him is what people always say is the cure to getting over someone and I have done this in the past with wonderful results of forgetting someone within a few months time. I've tried following through with other guy interests. I've even tried the whole closure bit of asking him all the questions I've ever had about us so I won't have anymore in my head. Now the only thing I can figure is that maybe I'm living through memories here and since I haven't seen him in person for 2 years perhaps if I see him again I can realize we are different people now and I can finally let the past go. But then of course what if I move up there? It is possible to avoid people of course... I don't know... now I feel like I'm rambling and not making sense.
Sorry this is long but any sound advice would be much appreciated here! Thanks.