Outgrown my relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2005
Outgrown my relationship
3
Sat, 09-28-2013 - 9:29pm

Hey everyone! I came to ivillage to hopefully get some support and advice. I've been in a relationship for 6 years and I've come to the realization that I have outgrown it. My boyfriend and have always had an amazing friendship and great foundation. We make each other laugh and I'm extremely comfortable with me. Now that I'm 27 I realize what I truly want in a spouse and unfortunately my boyfriend is not that man. As much as I love him I am not in love with him any more.

We grew up very differently and that seems to consistently cause problems and disagreements. He's known for the past years what I want and how I want to be treated, unfortunately he has not been able to do those things. 

I'm on here because I am petrified to be alone and if I stay with him I'd be very close to getting married. I want to get married very much (and my family wants that as well). Im scared to end the relationship because I don't want to look like a failure and I dont want to deal with everyone asking a million questions. He's all that I know of my adult life. I also don't know if I have the strength to leave the comfort of the relationship. I know that I would be OK with spending the rest of my life with him, but I would be settling. What can I do? Please help!! 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
Sun, 09-29-2013 - 12:04am

Consider spending some time apart so you can both gather your thoughts and see what life is like without each other. Don't make any rash final decisions !!

Avatar for StephanieOC
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2013
Sun, 09-29-2013 - 5:24pm
I agree with Lasvicious - time apart may be good to search your feelings. You definitely don't want to settle but nobody is perfect either. Also, you can't change a person but with communication, quite often, you can make your situation better. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2012
Wed, 10-16-2013 - 3:10pm

I agree with everyone that you should take a break and spend time apart.

I married my one and only adult relationship. Over the years I had the same recurring doubts.  I have never been strong enough to leave him and now I am almost 30 again questioning whether or not I want to stay married and have his children. I, too am afraid to be alone but now I am married, have a mortgage and closer family ties. The stakes are higher. 

I look back and I wish I would have taken a break to date other men and see what else is out there. It seems like you want to leave but you are afraid. I suggest you take a leap of faith. I know it is hard to leave but you are not married.  If you are wrong and one day you are meant to be with him, you will be.  Good luck!