should i visit this girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2010
should i visit this girl
3
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 11:48pm

should i visit my ex girlfriend who now lives in another country?

We dated for one year, then she left due to her visa expiring. We’ve stayed in touch and have been talking more recently.

I don’t really believe that a long term relationship could work, but we really don’t have anything else going on in our lives right now. Also, we usually have a great time when we hang out together, and it would be nice to ‘get some’ :-).

It’s just kind of weird because it’s like going from being oceans apart to being together, in a land foreign to me, for a week straight like we were dating again. However, we never actually “broke up” we just figured we both would have moved on after she left, but neither of us have. We were a great couple that was forced to be thousands of miles away because of immigration laws.

A crazy fear I have is that if I do this and we break up after, then every girl I talk to for the rest of my life will expect me to fly to another country for them. My brain says I shouldn't do this but my heart (and yes, of course, my "little brain") tell me to go for it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 11:25am
Will it ultimately make your life better/easier or worse/more difficult if you do this for her? It sounds like a very impulsive decision that's based partially on the fact that you don't have a girlfriend right now and are kind of craving the comfort of someone you never completely lost feelings for.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2010
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 9:19pm

Will it ultimately make my life better/easier or worse/more difficult if I do this for her?
Honestly, I have no idea. I can't predict the future. Probably more difficult, but I've been living very day to day lately and don't know what I want to do. I'm signed up for grad school, but I don't know if I really want to go.

"It sounds like a very impulsive decision that's based partially on the fact that you don't have a girlfriend right now and are kind of craving the comfort of someone you never completely lost feelings for."
That's very true. Does that make it wrong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 07-30-2010 - 8:28am

"That's very true. Does that make it wrong?"
Not at all. Impulsive decisions are part of being human. But what matters is if, in the future, you can look back on this and say "I was thinking with my heart and not my head, and I'm fine with it"

"I'm signed up for grad school, but I don't know if I really want to go. "
Does that have anything to do with her?

I think if you can accept that this isn't going to be a long-term thing and you are okay with parting ways afterward with no promises of anything, then there's no harm in going over and spending some time together. What matters most is the amount of acceptance you have for the situation you're in.