TWO BEST FRIENDS DATING-HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2009
TWO BEST FRIENDS DATING-HELP!
1
Mon, 08-12-2013 - 2:32pm

Okay so a little background on me...Im 28 and single. Got out of a long/serious relationship about 2 years ago and have been randomly dating since. I dont have many close friends anymore because Im at that age where people are seriously dtaing/getting married/having kids. I have one really close girlfriend...the last of my single friends, who i go out with on weekends and have fun with and talk to her about everything in both of our lives. I also have a guy best friend....ive known him for years...we never ever had any type of romantical past. We are just REALLY close...he lives liek 10 minutes from me and we would just hang out at each others houses during the week after work and just do whatever. Hes probably the closest person to me. So last year on Halloween my best gf, lets call her Jen, met my best guy friend, John, for the first time and they hit it off. And at first I was TOTALLY all for it. Like putting in a good word for him (bc she was skeptical) and hes a very easy going guy and easy to get along with....and they started hanging out A LOT. Like moving very quickly to the point that they were together every single day and i was like this sucks. It was really rocky with both of them because i felt discluded form things but also wouldnt wanna hang out w the 3 of us like a 3rd wheel. And then also she started getting a bit crazy and really clingy towards him and a bit jealous of mine and his friendship. So there was a lot of tension in the beginning with all 3 of us and eventually he just had enough and ended it with her after a few months. Then they cold turkey didnt talk for 6 months...which was also annoying to me because they are both my best friends and it was awkward and hard not to hang out. So when my birthday happened this year i invited both of them out and they both came and of course old feelings came back and they started talking again. She was VERY hesitant at first but kept hanging out w him. So now they are pretty much back together (she hasnt given it that title yet because shes worried he might break up with her again so she is trying to keep the upper hand)...but once again they are together ALL the time. She used to call me every day after work and now she probably calls him bc i never hear from her. And me and him barely see ecah other/nevermind talk. And every time we talk its like a bit of tension...i think its bc of my built up resentment or anger or whatever the feelings are...it just feels strange when we talk.

My question is...what do i do? I hate feeling like this but i really feel like i just lost 2 of my best friends at the same time...I dont want to be selfish and i dont want to be that angry friend but im just really hurt. When he dates other girls i NEVER care but now that its my best friend im just so upset and feel lonely. Now they are back to being stuck to each others hips and i cant seem to hang out w any of them by myself. And when i do they are texting each other...it just sucks. How do i handle it without coming off as the jealous/bitter friend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2013
Wed, 08-14-2013 - 12:39pm

That sucks!   It's okay to feel jealous, they have excluded you from their lives and they are both to blame for it.   If I were you I would just give them both the space they are wanting and try to find some new friends.  They are so into each other that they don't see you there :(  You don't dump your friends because you are in a relationship, and to me that sounds like what they have both done to you.   I wouldn't be surprised that this one implodes like their last time together did, especially if she is being clingy.   It sounds like she is still insecure where you are concerned, and he's chosen her over your friendship.  You could try talking to them both about it, that you miss hanging out with both of them and they've excluded you, but it could go either way.  Take up a class, get busy with a new project, anything to fill up some time and give you the potential of meeting new people.  These two aren't being your friend right now.