What "Are" We? / He's Holding Back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2010
What "Are" We? / He's Holding Back?
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 1:58am


When is it appropriate to discuss where your relationship is going? I've been seeing this guy for approximately six weeks, and we have seen each other about once per week. So, we've been dating about a month. And I am very interested in him, but fear seeming too desperate.

This might be a whole other issue in itself, but if you want details......He's 26, I'm turning 21. This guy has taken me out on well-thought-out dates, he looks at me in a way that I have never felt a man look at me before (unless I'm imagining it), and he is very protective/chivalrous - i.e. holding me back if he sees a car but I don't. Most men I know do not do this. Also, from our first date, every single time we look into each others' eyes it feels EXPLOSIVE (from my point of view). I am a girl who usually dates quite a bit, but I have never felt this way about someone by the second date. Something about this feels *pure*.

Anyway, we haven't been doing anything beyond kissing (every time we are together, we kiss passionately for nearly four hours..the dates are usually 4-6 hours long). On the second date, we ended up back at his place and had sex for about 30 seconds and stopped. Third date, went back at his place but he couldn't......keep it up, for lack of a graceful term. He told me this was because, in his experience, relationships can "burn out" if they move too quickly. This is totally true, and I agree, but I want to jump the guy. I am SO into him, but I know I can't push him.

Now I'm left wondering how he sees me. Does he see me as girlfriend material? How do I ask him in a respectful manner if he sees our relationship going anywhere? And how do I let him know that I want more in the future with him, that I actually want him to be in my future? Is it too soon? I've already blurted out that I really like him (uh, duh, as if he couldn't figure that one out.....)- but should I say anything else?

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2010
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 10:56am

Ive always been an upfront, blunt kind of girl. In fact, when my hubby and I were just dating after our sixth date, and not one kiss, I finally text him and said "so, when are you going to kiss me? Because if you only want to be friends Im cool with that but just so you know I wouldn't mind being your girlfriend." I tried to keep it lighthearted but also let him know HEY I LIKE YOU! LOL.

Anyhow, sometimes with guys you just have to put it all out there and tell them exactly what you want. Guys aren't the greatest at reading between the lines and us girls aren't the best at being straight forward. That being said; if you want to be in a committed relationship not casual just tell him that. Be prepared for the possibilty that he will say no he only wants a casual relationship. However, he may want a serious one as well. Also, if you want him to take you serious you probably shouldn't have sex with him until he committs. Cause if you do your pretty much giving him everything so in his mind he doesn't need to committ.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2010
Sun, 08-08-2010 - 5:44pm
Just tell him how you feel! What is the worst the could happen! It sounds like he likes you!
Ruth Bailey www.gethimtolikeyou.com www.personalquestcoaching.com