What to do??

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2005
What to do??
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 5:04pm

Hi everyone!!

Ok so about about 4 months ago me and my ex bf broke up well we dated for 6 years broke up but were still seeing each other for another year at the same time i was doing my own thing. So about 4 months ago we decided to finally end our relationship a week later i met someone with the same story as mine. We ended up hanging out and yes we slept together. We both said that we didn't want a relationship cuz we both not ready for one since we both got out of a relationship so we decided to stay as "friends."
During this 4 months i started to like this guy and from what he tells me he said He is "falling for me," we talk every single day since we met we see each other like 3 times a week sometimes i spend the whole day with him. he said he hasn't felt this in a while he buys me lil gifts i give him lil gifts. we go out a lot spend a lot of time together movies, dinner,dancing, and lil trips.
When i told him that i really liked him a lot he said he felt the same way and he said but we also talked about just being friends". Is he afraid to start a relationship? I'm confused cause he says he loves to spend time with me he enjoys my company. I met all hes family. From what he says hes past relationship wasn't that great but yet they lasted about 6 years is he over her?? cause he does mention her sometimes but when he does it would be more like she never did this she never did that it seemed she didn't appreciate him. He says hes never met any body like me.
Any advice would help!!!!!
Thank you!!!

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
In reply to: cherrylove5
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 4:56am
When he says these things about "she never did this or that" - is he comparing her to YOU? Because if so, that's not cool. It's not a competition and he shouldn't have to compare the two of you. It doesn't sound like he isn't over her but it's possible he hasn't moved on the break up with her or the negativities of the relationship. It sounds like he is still dwelling on all her flaws and all the problems they had. While that doesn't necessarily mean he still has feelings for her or secretly wants to get back together with her, he's is right to take things slow with you until he has completely moved on. He is wise not to jump quickly into a relationship with someone new after a 6 year relationship that obviously had it's problems. Just give him the time he needs and I'm sure things will take an eventual natural course between you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2010
In reply to: cherrylove5
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 3:39am
I posted something on a board here having been the guy you're with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
In reply to: cherrylove5
Fri, 07-23-2010 - 3:32pm

If he's not willing to start a relationship with you, and he keeps mention his ex...then yes he's NOT over her. Plus you probably jumped the gun and put way too much energy too early on with this guy. You need to give someone at least 6 months or more to grieve and heal from the past relationship. Or else they bring that baggage with them to the next RL.

Listen if you really want this guy, here's what to do.

Instead take a step back and let HIM do all the work. Don't be the one to call him all the time, or make plans. I would also recommend to become "busy" for a while. Meaning, when he calls, don't pick up right away...or for a few hours...or just plain "forget" to call him back. STAY super busy. Instead get yourself busy into something else, like school, work...or something else to really occupy your time and weekends. Remember that guys like to chase girls and not the other way around. If he likes you enough...he'll make the effort to want to be with you.

You don't have to completely ignore him, but just give something else in your life 100% attention instead of him. The more you follow the stuff I just told you, the better the outcome for you. If he's not into you, then by keeping yourself busy elsewhere, it will leave you less time to grieve over him. Remember to put your energy into things that are WORTH your time. If he wants to be apart of that, he'll prove that to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2010
In reply to: cherrylove5
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 4:31am


thanks for putting a reply up to this post, it was interesting to get a man's opinion on that type of a situation.