what do u think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2010
what do u think?
5
Mon, 03-14-2011 - 8:41pm

If a couple really love and care each other, the best way for them is to get married and have a family together. And any reason such as I am not ready for marriage is just lie, right??

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2008
Mon, 03-14-2011 - 11:58pm

Nice to have you on the board, colorfish!

IMO, the only way a couple should marry is if both parties are on the same page. For example, I could love and care about my SO very much but I still could not want to get married. I feel this is because a lot of people have a fear of commitment. True enough you are already in a committed relationship as bf/gf. However, you could also end the relationship without any hassle if it came down to it. Yet, when you're married, you become committed to marriage laws.

ITA, that loving couples should get married and further their relationship. When someone says "they're not ready," they could be lying just as well as they could be telling the truth. Marriage is just not the same as it used to be.

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Tue, 03-15-2011 - 6:32am
I'm not sure it's quite that black and white. My cousin was with his wife before 7 years before they got married. He simply wasn't ready before that point. Now they are happily married with kids. Just because someone is not yet ready to make the ultimate commitment doesn't mean they don't love you or will never make that commitment. You'll have to decide whether your partner just needs time or if they will never be ready.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2010
Tue, 03-15-2011 - 9:38am

I broke up with my bf cz we were not on same page in terms of marrige. He said he is not sure when he wants to marriage and may be he never wants to marry. We cared and loved each other so much, and enjoyed time being together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2010
Tue, 03-15-2011 - 9:42am

"I could love and care about my SO very much but I still could not want to get married. " I could not understand why this happens. Does that means the "love"is not strong enough? or does not see the parter as potential wife or husband? or sth else?

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Wed, 03-16-2011 - 6:53am
Well, if he said he may never want to marry, I think you were right to end it and move on. If marriage is important to you, you need to find someone who knows that at least someday, he does indeed want to get married. It might be a cultural difference - in the "western world", there is a growing minority of people who are choosing not to marry. It doesn't mean their love isn't strong enough, it just means they don't believe marriage defines their love. They don't believe they need a "piece of paper" or government (or other authority) approval to define their love or commitment to each other. I would not be surprised if this belief was almost unheard of eastern cultures.