At what point are you too incompatible and it's time to throw in the towel?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2011
At what point are you too incompatible and it's time to throw in the towel?
Thu, 03-24-2011 - 1:45am

For the past 1.5 years I've been head over heels over my guy friend. We chat a lot and we confide a lot of things in each other. I have allowed myself to fall in the friend zone, for sure. Just today we were chatting about all the girls he's had sex with, showing me pics and everything. His number of sex partners shocked me, which led to a discussion (not the first of its kind between us) about our views about promiscuity. We have conflicting views on the matter. I try to make him understand, and accept, my reasoning for my "prude-ness" if you will, but he doesn't seem to care and just calls me judgmental and tells me to get off my high horse. He also tells me I live in a bubble, which I guess he is right about. But I think his perception of me is overly harsh and I guess deep down I am hurt that he doesn't appreciate the way that I am. He is going on a date this weekend with one of his past sex partners, and she's gorgeous and whatever. I've been there for him the entire time and he has never asked me out. He's just not that into me, right? He obviously prefers beauty over morality, it seems. Should I just throw in the towel and lose all hope of something ever happening between us? Should I even WANT to be someone who doesn't accept me and appreciate me the way I am, however "prude" I may be (despite my other good qualities). I've tried many times to distance myself from him as a friend, and it hasn't worked. We always end up talking again (I should mention that he's the one who talks to me 9.5 times out of 10). I realize he treats me like his buddy and seems to have no sexual/romantic interest in me. Question is .... how in the world do I move on? And is there something psychologically wrong with me for trying to make him like me? I've acted like myself with him, because I want him to like me for me, if he ever does like me at all. It seems I am not good enough. Advice?

Note: We are both in our 20s; I'm in my early 20s, he's in his mid-twenties.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2008

Great to see you on the board, boogaloo113!!

I have a few questions I would like to ask:

1. Does he know that you have feelings for him that are past the "friend zone?"

2. When you came into this relationship, did you already have feelings for him or did they mature?

3. Have you solely been helping him out for the sake of the friendship or in hope that something more would blossom?

4. Have you ever told him how his opinion of you hurts your feelings?

Please answer these questions so we can help you further:)

P.S. You are you for a reason!! Let no man make you feel that you are unworthy to be loved and appreciated. Everyone has there own types. What matters most is that we find someone to love us for who we are and not who they want us to be!! Never say you are not good enough. Have you ever thought if he would be a good fit for you?

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

Yeah, he's not into you. It's not about compatibility, he just doesn't seem to think of you as a potential girlfriend. You're not going to turn around his affections unfortunately, but I wonder, have you been interested in other guys? Have you attempted to date other people in the 1.5 years you've been crazy for your friend?

"And is there something psychologically wrong with me for trying to make him like me? "

No, everyone on earth has tried at least once to turn around an unrequited love. Yes, even past high school :) It's human nature to want to be wanted...