Why is he contacting me? (He ended it!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2010
Why is he contacting me? (He ended it!)
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 12:47pm

I started dating a guy over the summer. For two months, things went great - we had fun together, great chemistry, and loved each other's company, etc. Two months in, I had the suspicion that he was dating someone else. I was confused because things seemed getting serious - he treated me like a girlfriend (hanging out a few times a week, planning trips, talking about things we'd do together months in the future, introducing me to his friends, telling me how excited he was to be with me because we were such a good match, etc.) So, one night I started the 'seeing other people conversation.'

I told him that I liked the way things were (I wasn't looking to speed things up) but that I wasn't comfortable with him seeing other people. He told me that yes, he was only dating one other girl but that it was not even close to serious (they only saw each other once every few months). He also told me that he was cautious about 'seriousness' - his college ex and him had been engaged - dated for 7 years. He said he really really liked me and was almost sure that he was ready to be with just me and to stop dating the other girl. I told him that unfortunately 'almost sure' wasn't enough. So I left.

After a week of not talking, he emailed me to say that he really liked me but just wasn't ready to be serious with a girl. He didn't want to hurt himself or me. I sent a polite response 'thanks for being honest - I'm glad to know now' and that was that... or so I thought.

Less than a week later he emails me to congratulate me on a promotion that I posted about on FB. I email back a short 'thanks. hope you're well.' Then he emails again. And again. We start an email chain that's gone back and forth for the past 3 weeks. Some are long; some are short; some are mildly flirty; some simple. Over the past week, we started texting too.

During this time, I've been very careful to follow his lead. If he emails something short, so I do I. If he waits a day or so to respond, I wait too. My goal has been to be friendly but not overly pushy; to let him feel like he's in charge and that 'the game' is his to control. I've gone along with this because I like him and my gut says that he's still interested. (After all, we both liked each other when we stopped dating - it was just a bad timing thing). I know I can't wait around (I've started going on dates ) but I would really like to be with him again.

So I'd love some feedback: What does he want? Is this the 'friend zone' (do guys even have a 'friend zone'?) Am I wasting my time emailing him or wasting my energy thinking about what his emails mean? How long can this keep going without a change...?