y do I feel this way?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2013
y do I feel this way?
5
Sun, 03-24-2013 - 10:45pm

I will try to make this as short as possible.

I met this guy a year ago, due to circumstances, we could not be together and I really liked him, and I think he liked me. We would find stuff to talk about, no big deal.

Over time, for me, it turned from infatuation to what I believe is a form of love. When I don't see him for days or hear from him, I feel this anxiety in my chest and this need to talk to him, or just be around him even if we wouldn't say anything.

Recently, the reasons we could not be together are no longer present so the door is open. I called him out of the blue and we both know that things are different now so we could pursue one another. Like I mentioned, once I Talked to him, I felt much more calm and life was good. I was extremely nervous for the first time, so in a normal situation where I would have been chill and found stuff to talk about, there were some pauses, which were filled shortly after. The convo lasted about an hour on the phone and then at the end he said we should plan to meet up soon and I said okay. (He wouldn't ask if he wasn't interested, I'm assuming?)

Now, we've known each other for a year. We've fought, I've cried, we've made up (in a friendly manner). Not a lot, just normal. We became really close that way I feel like.
It's just a strange feeling to me because I wonder if because I have known him so long , do I see him as a friend?

When I thought I was going to lose him altogether, I was so scared. I cried and felt a lot of pain when I remembered him. When I finally got the guts to call him, everything was fine. He is normally a talkative guy, and even he seemed a little quiet/nervous on the phone. (Or maybe I just felt like he was).

I have never feeled this way about anyone. If I feel like there is not much convo, I will lose interest quickly and not want the person. In this case, if I don't hear from him I feel like my soul isn't restful. I constantly wonder what he's doing, how he's doing. I care for him deeply. I still imagine kissing him and more... We have never kissed... Just not crazy intense as much as I used to... Has anyone ever felt like this? Also to note, although we have very little in common, to me, all of our core beliefs abou t life, family, jobs, etc is spot on. The stuff that has always mattered to me, we are very compatible. Our interests are different, but for the first time it doesn't matter to me... Yet why don't I feel this intense surge? I am okay with it, but it worries me that he wouldn't be... In the beginning I felt a lot of that but we could not act on it. We've always flirted, fought like married couples, random ppl thought we were a couple... etc... Help? I really don't wanna lose him. I would just like some input on what others think.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2013
Wed, 03-27-2013 - 12:44pm

I think you should take it slow, give him a couple of weeks to initiate a call back to you. If he doesn't call, you could contact him to see if he wants to meet up for dinner or something along those lines. It's so hard to tell if he's wanting to be in a relationship with you from what you've said here. There are signs that he is, but think he left you hanging. Saying that you should meet up soon is sort of noncommittal, if he really wanted to he would have set a date to meet. I'm worried that you are having such intense feelings for him, if he doesn't feel the same it will hurt. Why not take a step back, go out with friends and have a good time without thinking of him. What did you fight about?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2013
Fri, 03-29-2013 - 7:02pm
Hey, Yeah I have been doin things with friends...I was in a long term relationship before and ended it back in October. Things we have fought about were just differences in how we saw things. At the time, they seemed pretty intense but we were able to work thru the differences. One of us would apologize and sometimes hug it out and then we would be fine. People would tease us saying we acted like a married couple. After we resolved our issues, I felt closer to him and I think that's why I feel this way about him. He's seen all sides of me (caring, angry, playful, etc). I've also seen diff sides of him and yet we still get along. He's said stuff like "from what ur sayin, seems like ur dad and i would get along." or "ur one of few ppl who can get away without makeup." once we got into a huge fight and after we "hugged it out,' he texted me again to thank me for dealing with his moodswings, apologized, and reassured me he is not normally like this .. The friendship has been there for a long while, almost a year. So it's not like one of those we just met and we talked and he said he'd call and hasn't... I wish I didn't feel this way... He's told me he's only been in a few relationships along time ago...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2013
Wed, 04-03-2013 - 4:13pm
Has he called you yet? It's so hard to tell what another person is thinking. Do you have any mutual friends that can tell you what's going on in his life?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2013
Thu, 04-04-2013 - 12:15am
No he hasn't called yet.. No we do not have any mutual friends. I know he's stressed a lot at work. It hurts more because I thought of him as a friend and I've known him for a while and he was there for me, we trusted each other, etc. I was thinking of contacting him next week... Gives him one more weekend. I miss him terribly it's hard to think that he doesn't think of me at all... I cant imagine never speaking to him again... It would almost be too weird. Some people who didn't even notice thought we were a couple when they would see us in public. I mean random strangers.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Thu, 06-13-2013 - 10:47pm
First, how old are you/?