Happy Widows , Two....non exercise......
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| Sat, 06-22-2002 - 11:14am |
Happy Widows , Two....non exercise.....level one critique
A wonderful friend suggested that I write a series of Happy Widows, so this is for you, pal! When we left Millie and Ellie, they were on vacation in Jamaica. A white haired man was following them so they suspected that he knew that they had bought some poison from a doctor, and poisoned their husbands. So Ellie lured him to their hotel room, well instead of getting the drink spiked with a sleeping pill, Ellie ended up crashing onto the bed. Millie took things into her hands and followed the man to his hotel and she threw in a radio, into his shower, which electrocuted him. The story continues.
They prepared for the landing. “Now, remember we’re grieving widows, “ Millie said.
“How long do we have to keep up the act?”
“At the very least a couple of months.”
As they departed from the plane they placed on their somber faces. Millie whistled for a cab. “I can’t wait to get home and soak in the tub.”
Ellie said, “Well, when I get home I’m checking the mail.”
“You worry too much.”
The cab pulled up along the curb and the driver got out and stored their luggage in the trunk. Then he came back, started the engine and asked, “Where to ladies?”
“1015 N.Sunflower and then to 918 Thornbush,” Millie answered.
He floored the gas pedal and whipped into the traffic. Thirty minutes later he drove to Millie’s house. “Call me, first thing in the morning,” Ellie said as soon as Millie got out and the cabbie handed her, her luggage.
“Will do, bye.”
He drove to Ellie’s house. “That will be thirty-five dollars.”
She paid him after he got out her luggage. Ellie opened her front door. Her mail was stacked on the kitchen table. Thumbing through the junk envelopes she searched for anything marked urgent. She didn’t find anything so she felt marginally better.
The phone rang. Ellie answered. “Hello,” Martha said, “Did you just get home?”
“Yes, Martha, I just arrived home.”
“How was your vacation dear?”
“We had a nice time but it was difficult for us because we are still adjusting to our husbands being gone.” Ellie made a face into the mirror. She stopped herself from laughing.
“I know dear, now you just take it one day at a time. I won’t keep you but I wanted you to know that I signed for a letter sent certified mail. It looks...”
Ellie interrupted her, “Where is it?”
“I put it on the top of the refrigerator, that’s where I place all my important...”
“Thanks so much, Martha, I’m tired from the trip so I need to go.” Ellie hung up the phone. She dashed to the refrigerator and picked up the letter. It was from the insurance company. Tearing the envelope she yanked out the piece of paper and scanned the content. “OH NO!” she groaned.
The next morning she waited for Millie’s call. She knew better than to try to call her because Millie had a morning routine, which was never altered. Ellie drummed her fingertips onto the table and shifted her feet while she sat on the vinyl chair. She swigged her coffee. The phone rang. “Hello, Millie?”
“El, you sound anxious what’s wrong?”
“Get over here ASAP. We HAVE to talk.”
“Take a tranquilizer, I’ll be there in ten minutes,” Millie said.
The line went dead. Ellie walked to the medicine cabinet and swallowed the tablet. Ten minutes later she ushered Millie into her kitchen and handed her the piece of paper.
Millie’s eyebrow’s creased. “ He was an insurance investigator?”
“YOU KILLED THE INSURANCE INVESTIGATOR!!”
“Geez, why don’t you yell it louder, not all of the neighbors heard you ?” Millie scolded.
Ellie paced across the linoleum floor. “What if they find out that we were involved with his death? I don’t look good in orange and I despise jumpsuits. I could never where something like that so I CAN’T go to prison,” She said and chomped on her bottom lip.
Millie answered. “El, get a grip. They’re not going to find out that we were involved. This just means that they’re suspicious but they don’t have any proof.”
“What if the doctor tells them about us?”
“Yeah right, she’s going to tell them that she was an accomplice in two murders,” Millie scoffed.
Ellie said, “ I guess she wouldn’t.”
“ This just a little delay, the letter also says that you should be getting your, one hundred thousand-dollar check in two weeks. So cheer up, sister.”
Ellie peeked out of her living room, curtained window. I bet someone is out there watching us again, just hoping that we slip up so they don’t have to pay.”
“Did you take that tranquilizer that I told you to take?”
She made a face at her. “Yes, I did. Didn’t you receive one of these letters?”
“I probably did, I just haven’t checked my mail yet.”
Ellie plopped down and laid on the couch. Millie strolled over to her. “Relax El, everything is going to be fine. I promise not to let anything happen to us.”
Ellie’s eyes got heavy then closed and Millie left the house.
The next day Ellie’s adventurous spirit returned and she bounced back. After a quick lunch she decided to walk to the park. A south wind ruffled her hair while she kept a moderate walking pace along the cement sidewalk to the park area. Stopping near the children’s playground Ellie watched the energetic youngsters as she sat down on a wooden bench. An hour passed then an older gentleman seated himself next to her.
“Hi, which one is your grandchild?”
Ellie noticed his warm smile. “None of them, I just enjoy watching them play.”
“I feel the same way,” He said.
Ellie started to say something then changed her mind, “I have to go!” then she hurried away. She continued her walk and kept looking over her shoulder.
A week went by and Ellie was bored so she met Millie at the diner. They sat at a middle booth. After ordering their lunch Ellie moaned. “I feel like a goldfish in a bowl, like my every move is being watched. But I haven’t seen anyone, have you?”
Millie answered. “El, you have asked me that everyday this past week. Please can we talk about something else?”
“Okay, I’m planning on going out this evening to a bar. I need to dance and have some fun!”
Millie frowned. “I don’t know, El, we’re so close, only one more week of being the squeaky, clean widows.”
“So what if they see me in a bar. I’m tired of caring what people think!”
“You better CARE, if anyone gets suspicious, things could get nasty!” Millie glared.
���I don’t care, I’m going and don’t worry, I’ll be careful.”
Ellie and Millie ate then went their separate ways.
Later that night, Ellie stopped to catch her breath from dancing. She downed her third bourbon and seven. A young, vibrant woman stood next to her. She asked, “Might I have a word with you, privately?”
Ellie grinned. “Sure, lead the way.”
They went near the bathrooms where it’s quieter. “You want some advice on how to flirt like me right?”
The woman giggled. “How much have you drunk?”
“It’s okay, I’m just a little buzzed, ask away.”
“I know about you and your sister poisoning your husbands.”
Ellie’s eyes grew large. “Now, you’re the one who’s had too much to drink. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
The woman grabbed her wrist and said, “I know better and can prove it. You and your sister better meet me at the park at one-o-clock. We have a great deal to discuss. Oh, and if you don’t show, I’m going to contact the insurance company. Have a nice, night.”
She strolled off while Ellie opened the door to the ladies room where she vomited then left the bar.
It was twelve forty-five and Millie and Ellie scanned the park searching for the young woman. Ellie observed all of the women present and hadn’t spotted her yet. They walked along the pathway into an area filled with tall evergreens. Ellie pointed to her left and said, “There she is.”
She was dressed in faded jeans and a yellow top. She looked to be in her twenties. She approached them and said, “Ladies; we have alot to discuss.”
Millie and Ellie followed her to a park bench. She lifted up the folder and said, “I have written proof that you purchased poison from this doctor and used it to get rid of your husbands.”
Ellie asked, “Who are you? What’s your name?”
She grinned. “That’s not important, but you can call me, Tawny. Don’t I have beautiful hair?”
Millie coughed. “Since you’re out to blackmail us, what is it you want? And I want to see the proof, now!”
Tawny handed Millie a piece of paper so she scanned it then gave it to Ellie. Ellie’s face turned milky white as she looked at the information. It was a copy of some notations written by the doctor and the price of the substance and Millie’s signature.
“What is it, that you want?” Millie inquired once again.
Tawny flashed a smile. “I want fifty thousand. I figure you old ladies are each getting a hundred so I deserve fifty.”
“Okay, it’s a deal, where are you staying? And you realize that we don’t have the money yet?” Millie said.
“Yes, I know that and a lot more but since you’re in such a hurry. I’m staying at the hotel on Maple and Swiss, room 329.”
Ellie scowled. “How do we know that you will destroy the so-called evidence and won’t try to get more money from us?”
“Lady, you get me fifty grand and I’m gone.” then she snapped her fingers.
“Come on Ellie, let’s go,” Millie said then she took off towards the pathway. They didn’t speak until they reached Millie’s house.
Ellie said. “Ohh! I need to use the bathroom!”
Minutes later she joined Millie at her kitchen table and asked, “Who do you think she is and how did she get that information?”
Millie frowned then answered, “My guess is that she’s working for the doctor. And the doctor needs money.”
“Well, what are we going to do?”
“That��s easy, we’re going to take away her proof so then she won’t be able to blackmail us.” Millie explained.
“But what if there’s more somewhere else?”
Millie groaned. ‘That youngun, doesn’t know much, she’s an amateur.”
“She said that she knows, lots!”
“Like I said, she’s an amateur.”
Millie stood up and looked out her glass patio doors. “All we have to do, is get her away for awhile so I can obtain the folder and destroy it.”
Twenty minutes later Millie announced her plan to Ellie and three days later Ellie put it in motion.
Ellie concentrated on punching in the correct numbers on the phone in a booth. It rang five times before she heard, “Hello”
“Tawny, this is a friend.”
“Who, did you say?”
“Tawny, we’re to do some business together, remember?”
“Oh right, go ahead.”
Ellie muttered. “I need you to meet me at the truck stop, off of highway fifty in an hour. Some things have developed.”
The woman hesitated then said, “Okay, give me the directions.”
Millie sat in her dark blue Honda and waited in the parking lot of the hotel. She wiped the grease and brake fluid off her tools and changed out of her coveralls. Moments later she spied Tawny leaving in her green, Toyota.
Millie entered the lobby, carrying a small suitcase to the elevators. She pushed the button for the third floor. As the doors opened she prepared to use her plastic card and put on her gloves. She walked to room, 329 and let herself in and noticed the place was a mess as she put down her luggage.
Clothes cluttered the floor and empty chip bags seemed to be everywhere. Millie searched through the drawers but she didn’t find any papers. She thought now where would this air brain keep something important? She had already checked her car and hadn’t found anything. An idea clicked and Millie checked in between the mattresses. Bingo! she thought as she pulled out the folder. She scanned them, picked up the suitcase then left the room and building.
Three hours later Ellie was at Millie’s. “Mil, Tawny never showed up! what if she’s on to us? This isn’t good for my heart!”
“It’s all right, El, we have the proof back and she can’t hurt us.”
“I’ve got to take another tranquilizer and lay down.” Ellie said.
At ten-o-clock, Millie turned on the news. Ellie was still there so they both watched as the anchor said, “ This afternoon, there was a fatal car accident on highway, fifty. A young woman lost control and hit a pole after swerving into the other traffic lane. She was pronounced at the scene.”
The station showed a picture of her. Ellie exclaimed. “Mil, you didn’t!”


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Hey there...
I don't remember part 1 - where did the ladies poison their hubbies? At home or in Jamaica? Has there already been a funeral for each man? These two ladies sound like they go way back, have been friends a long time. Did they kill their husbands only for the insurance money? Or some other reason?
A couple of things - Tawny never reveals who she is or how she got the information or what she'll do to the ladies if they don't give her the money. E&M never challenge the lady or resist or negotiate - they seem too anxious to go along with blackmail. That part feels a bit odd. Also, when they met Tawny at one o'clock, was that 1am that same night or 1pm the next day?
When Millie waits outside Tawny's hotel, she's first sitting in her blue Honda and then she's wiping grease off and removing coveralls. Then she walks into a hotel. Does she do all the cleanup while sitting in her Honda? And how does she have the hotel key card to get into the room?
You've got an interesting plot here, intrigue, crime, murder, suspicions... all things I never think of for my fiction, lol. I'd love to see how E & M get out of this mess. :) Good cliffhanger, BTW. Definitely a Happy Widows series.
Take care, EW
Hi eyewrite (m)
Would you do me a favor? Go to the last board archive and read post#7, that's the first part of the story. And then tell me if that answers some of your questions, your questions are valid and helpful, I'll answer them, after you read the first part okay?
Thanks maria
Too funny, Maria...
I love this part (in part 1):
"He claims to be a tourist. This trip is a present from his daughter." "I watch Diagnosis Murder. He has an agenda."
Ok, so the hubbies were dead before the trip. But why did E&M poison the hubbies? It must have been something besides the reluctance to go on trips :) And the identical twins part makes much sense with how E&M interact in your part 2. How many parts have you written? They're so good. Keep it going for sure. You have a pretty good eye for when to build up to the cliffhanger.
EW
As they did before (m)
E&M continue to intrigue me, as do the names you use, i.e. Sunflower and Thornbush. One part that cracked me up was, “Ellie made a face into the mirror. She stopped herself from laughing.” This scene was very vivid.
I did want to know exactly what was in the letter. I can’t imagine the insurance company writing to say they were investigating the case, but the investigator died so now they’re paying the claim. Maybe I just misunderstood what Millie meant.
The whole thing with Tawny was interesting. Since I know where E&M were at the time of the accident, makes me wonder if someone else didn’t cause her to lose control of the car. Perhaps whoever gave her the information (or did she steal the proof) is responsible.
Waiting patiently for the next installment,
Mac
Some answers (m)
Millie is keeping in her character, she's the type to act first then ask questions, cause of course she knows everything LOL. And usually her course of action is deadly! That's why she doesn't ask Tawny questions.
yes, she does all the cleaning in her Honda, and that three day period, before Ellie calls, I hoped would cover, how she gets the hotel card and the right tools to do the job.I was worried about my word count. Then as to why they killed their husbands, its for both the money and the freedom. Thanks for showing me where it could use some clairifaction.
And lastly, these two, are the only ones that I have written but I must admit that these two serial killers are special to me.LOL
Thanks again for the critique and the kind comments!...Maria
Thanks Mac (m)
Thanks for pointing out the part about the letter. I wanted it to mean that there was a delay, because the investigator was killed in Jamaica,and they were busy trying to figure out if there was any foul play.But they hadn't found any concrete proof.
Also, Millie did tamper with Tawny's brakes, cause Tawny said that she knew lots so Millie didn't have a choice, LOL.
Thanks for the critique and kind comments.
Maria
Great stuff, Maria...
Thanks for the answers. I feel like I know M&E better already :)
You mention word count - what are your plans for the series?
Hope you're enjoying your weekend, EW
Okay, a light bulb just went off (m)
That's why Millie had brake fluid on her hands, not to mention the tools and need for a change of clothes. I feel like an idiot!!!
Thanks for the explantion on the letter. Makes sense to me.
Mac
It's me again, lol
The word count I was talking about is for this board, as to my plans, hate to disappoint but it's gotta be put on the back burner. I'm currently working on a mystery/romance and last week, I had two mysteries going and it was challenging lol! But if you want, I will let you know, when I complete another part. Thanks so much for the encouragement!
have a great week...Maria
Ah, the indomitable (and murderous)M&E! (m)
I love these two little old ladies. They put me in mind of the sisters in "Arsenic and Old Lace". I did have the same questions as eyewrite about Tawney and also agree with mac about the insurance letter.
But I also wondered about the doctor that helped them murder their DHs. I can't remember whether you told us in the last story why she helped them. Were they blackmailing her? Did she give them a prescription for something else that they then used to bump them off? (I'd think, unless the poison was something that would leave the body quickly, that would be the first thing a ME would look for and that the doctor would know that and worry about being an accomplice, if she deliberately g ave them aid.) I'm such a worry wort, but that also bothered me.
You have two funny, strangely loveable character here. I say go for the series too.
Linda
cl-ozarker
"We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master." - Ernest Heminway
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