interesting lunch and some progress/t...
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|Tue, 11-13-2001 - 3:20pm|
interesting lunch and some progress/thoughts
Had lunch with an old friend of mine today who wants me to start writing again for her new magazine. I decided that IF I'm going to do this, I can't just tell my husband I'm quitting and have him be supportive, yet enabling, I have to tell other people who have known me forever that I'm quitting.
So, I tell Jo that I am quitting smoking and drinking and she just looks at me. Finally, after a minute, she says "Well, I'm not going to ask why - that's none of my business, but I just can't picture the Liz I know without a glass of white wine in her hand."
Boy, that really hit home - hard. No one thinks I have a problem, but no one can think of me without a glass of alcohol of some kind in my hand...am I really that good at hiding it?
I had two and a half glasses of wine last night, then a glass of water, some tums and a few aspirin. I went to bed at 10:30. If I had stayed up, I would have followed the wine with a few beers until I was toast. It's not stopping at the first one, but it's a start.
To those of you who crosstalk, you have no idea of how much of an effort and an accomplishment this is for me. I went to bed Not Blitzed! I went to bed on my own, not because there was no more beer in the house. I stopped at two and a half glasses of wine instead of the whole bottle! There are four bottles of wine in the wine rack, six beers in the fridge, a bottle of Irish Cream in the cupboard and I didn't have any of them, I went to bed.
I think that is an accomplishment, regardless.
It has been great to get all the support on this board. Right now, I am thinking about going home and having a beer. Getting the boys to bed and going out on the deck for a beer and a smoke. Curling up on the couch and doing nothing while I have a beer.
I used to think that I couldn't be a writer without being a drunken chimney who guzzled caffeine to wake up. Why couldn't Faulkner, Hemingway and Fitzgerald have been sober malcontents? Why can't Vonnegut have an image that DOESN'T include scotch and Pall Malls? Why is it so hard to get past the stereo-type and focus on the end product?
Here I can spill my guts out, but get me in front of my manuscripts and I am running for the fridge, grabbing my bev of choice and making excuses to have another, while ignoring my powerbook and flashing cursor. It's hard to concentrate on sentence structure when you have to readjust the computer several times to make sure the glass/can is within reach.
Here's to us all - I'm lifting a cup of tea to cheer us on.