My OTE: "Words to the Wise." (Please ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
My OTE: "Words to the Wise." (Please ...
8
Tue, 07-09-2002 - 9:30am

My OTE: "Words to the Wise." (Please disregard my question below)


Remember Lucy Wei, the wedding band-throwing heroine of my July Writing Exercise? Here we catch up with her eight months later, immediately after the divorce. This is an excerpt from the just-revised opening chapter of my novel-in-progress (which jecently got a new lease on life thanks to several patient and thoughtful readers).

Again, since i-village won't accept italics from Word, I've set off internal monologue with ** **.

As before, all levels of critique welcome.

Thanks, Jodi

*** Lucy Wei's stomach lurched as the cab driver narrowly missed a bus. Even after five years in Beijing, she still felt as though she signed her own death warrant whenever she climbed into a cab. The driver this morning was a real daredevil, weaving in and out of the slow-moving traffic in the embassy district. She hoped the driver could find his way to the ChinaHealth Clinic and Medical Center without her help. She couldn't bear to watch any longer.

"It's just past the German Embassy," she reminded him yet again.

"Right. I know. Don't worry."

**Don’t worry.** If she survived this cab ride, she still had plenty to worry about.

She squeezed her eyes shut and resumed the debate she'd started with herself a few hours earlier. She really didn't need to go into the hospital today. It was a Saturday, and she'd been back in Beijing for less than twelve hours. Her aching head and queasy stomach still cried for rest. The paperwork and e-mails that had accumulated during her month-long absence could wait until Monday.

She was tempted to ask the cabbie to turn around and take her home. But if she didn't clear her desk now, she'd never catch up once she started seeing patients.

More important, today might be a great opportunity to meet her new boss, the Chief of Medicine who had taken over just days after she'd left for New York. He'd surely be here today, since his job required his presence at the clinic Monday through Saturday. Yes, if he had a few minutes, she'd introduce herself, try to make a good impression on him and give him a chance to make a good impression on her.

Oh, God, she hoped they'd get along. Another arrogant jerk for a boss, and she'd leave. She'd already been offered a job at the Guangzhou ChinaHealth branch. Senior Director of Family Medicine. Number three in the hospital hierarchy, same as she was here. True, she hated Guangzhou and didn't know a soul down there, but at least the Chief of Medicine was a reasonable, efficient woman. It would be a sound career move.

Sound career move or not, the idea of leaving Beijing made her heart sink. Beijing had become home as no other place had. Not even in Hong Kong, her birthplace, or Vancouver, where she'd spent most of her childhood, did she feel such deep roots. She had a loyal following of patients that grew larger every year. Linda Kwok, her first cousin and best friend lived here. She'd grown to love everything about the sprawling, polluted city -- every pedestrian overpass, every gray high-rise, every narrow alleyway. Even the cab drivers had a certain charm. She knew where to get the best deals on silk, the freshest tofu, the tastiest vegetable dumplings, even the most authentic brick-oven pizza.

No, there were too many good reasons to stay. She'd make every effort to get along with the new Chief.

The cab jerked to a stop, and her eyes popped open. She glanced at the meter, paid the cabbie, and stepped out of the car. Before her loomed the hospital, a gleaming chrome and glass structure with a well-manicured lawn in front. A row of tidy shrubs and flowering bushes lined either side of the walkway.

As she started up the path, Lucy had a feeling somewhere between excitement and dread reminiscent of childhood violin recitals. Half of her couldn’t wait to put the bow to the strings and the other half wanted to flee offstage. To calm herself, she'd always scanned the audience for her parents and three brothers. When they met her eyes, they'd always give her a thumbs-up or a big smile, or mouth, **You can do it, Lucy!**

She pictured her family here now, cheering her on. And she heard again her mother's words from last night, just before Lucy had boarded the plane in Hong Kong. **You've survived a miscarriage. You've survived a divorce. You can manage this new boss. You're stronger than you know.**

Lifting her chin, she took a deep breath and walked faster.

Behind her came the syncopated clip-clop of someone trying to run in high heels.

“Lucy! We weren’t expecting you until Monday!”

It was the unmistakable voice of Anthea Wilcox, the hospital's Chief Administrator. Anthea was from Chicago, but she'd married a Brit and tried to sound as though she'd been born and bred in London. The ruse worked only until she forgot herself and slipped into the Midwestern nasals.

Lucy turned and smiled. “Hello, Anthea. I thought I'd come in for a few hours and get a head start on things."

“Is everything all right now?” Anthea grasped both of Lucy’s hands in her own. There was no compassion in the gesture, her hands startlingly cold on this hot day.

Lucy resisted the urge to pull away. “Yes. Thank you.”

“Divorce is such a terrible thing.”

Lucy detected no sympathy in this statement, but she didn’t really want any. She didn't think divorce per se was so terrible. The events leading up to it had been ugly and the proceedings downright unpleasant, but since then, she'd felt nothing but liberation.

“Yes. I’m glad it’s over. And I’m eager to get back to work.”

"I can see that. How conscientious of you to come in on a Saturday!" Anthea gave Lucy's hands a squeeze for emphasis before dropping them. "Perhaps you can meet the new Chief Administrator. Dr. McKenna. Malcolm McKenna."

"I'd like that."

Lucy continued down the walkway and Anthea fell into step beside her. They walked in silence until they reached the entrance. When Lucy held the door open, Anthea turned to her with a grave expression.

"I think we should have a chat before you meet him."

Anthea's tone was light, but the sudden glint in her eye made Lucy's heart speed up. "Oh?"

"Yes. Just a few words to the wise. Why don't you settle in, and I'll come by your office in a little while."

"All right."

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

Oh, geez, I just caught something


"The new Chief Administrator, Dr. McKenna" should read, "The new Chief of Medicine, Dr. Malcolm McKenna."

Also, there should be a return between the *** and the first paragraph. Sorry 'bout that! I'm still new here ;)

Jodi

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 07-09-2002 - 10:10am

Hey, this is good reading!


I want to read this book, so hurry up and finish it, would you? You're such a stickler to point out those two little goofs. I never noticed them. The characters and scene were well-drawn, and I'm intrigued and eager to read more. Please keep writing!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-09-2002 - 12:43pm

Very good, Jodi. Keep us in the loop! n/t


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-09-2002 - 12:44pm

Hi, Rosea49 and thank you!


I'm glad you enjoyed it. Yep, I'm a stickler!

I've been working on this novel for just under a year now, and I just started draft #3. It's been a real learning process! I'll try to post more of it here as I progress.

Jodi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-09-2002 - 12:48pm

Thanks, Terry, will do (next OTE, next 1000 words?) n/t


Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 07-09-2002 - 11:49pm

Welcome, Jodi....m


I enjoyed reading this. I found the cab ride to be believable. Overall, I think the premise for this story works. I wanted to add this: I'm rereading the book "Character and Point of View" by Orson Scott Card, and he wrote in there that setting apart internal monologue is not necessary, other than with a tag similar to dialog tags. Like--she thought, he reflected, etc. He also went onto say that if you develop the character enough, that the reader will identify so strongly with them that you won't need a tag for internal monologue at all, that the reader will know when you are in their thoughts. Does this make sense? Sammi

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 07-10-2002 - 12:21am

I'm not sure you'd need the italics (m)


I think with the way you're writing her character, we could follow the internal dialogue without them. I didn't notice any glaring mistakes or anything. Great job, Jodi. Now I'm going to sit here and wonder what the heck those words to the wise are going to be! lol

Heather

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

Thanks, Sammi and Heather! (m)


I have that OSC book, too -- I'll check it again. I've always been uncertain how to handle internal monologue!

Maybe I'll post a little more soon, if it's appropriate for the next OTE.

Cheers, Jodi

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user

Looks terrific...


I recently binged on several of Jan Wong's books about China (Jan Wong's China and Red China Blues) so I got a kick out of the setting for your story.

Like others said, you won't need the italics or the ** parts in your story. We can tell what's internal and what's external.

I feel there's a story to why you chose to study Chinese History (or why it chose you to study it, lol). Do tell :)

Take care, EW

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

Thanks, Eyewrite. It's a long story (m)


I think Chinese history found me! The WIP is loosely based on experiences and acquaintances from my year of dissertation research in Beijing. I ended up spending a lot of time in a clinic not unlike Lucy's workplace! The rest of my time was spent mucking around in dusty archives, but there's no story in that (except the dissertation, which you definitely don't want me to post here or anywhere else!).

Thanks for mentioning the Jan Wong books -- I'll have to look for those.

Jodi

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